Lisa Scene

I'm speaking in Wheaton, IL, Dec 7, 2010

2010-11-30T20:38:00.004-05:00

Here's an invitation to ladies in the Chicagoland area to come hear me speak at the First Baptist Church of Wheaton, Illinois, on Tuesday morning, December 7th. It's the women's ministries' Christmas Brunch, and I'll be talking about hearing loss and the sounds of Christmas. The brunch starts at 9:15 with food first, a few Christmas songs by the toddlers of the group, and then I'll be at the mic around 10:30, until 11:10 or so.

If you'd like to come, please let me know so the hostesses can have a chair ready for you. They have a rough idea of how many regulars might show up, but they'll want to have extra seating available and food too, if needed for visitors. Thanks, and I'll be available afterward to meet anyone interested in hearing more about my story, my faith, or cochlear implants, as you wish.

My cover article in Hearing Loss magazine

2010-11-12T22:17:00.012-05:00

I'm excited to announce that my story is the cover article on the November/December 2010 issue of Hearing Loss magazine. I was asked to write about my own hearing loss, and how I've coped with the resulting issues and solutions. I was impressed that no editing was done to remove my faith testimony, and lots of pictures of my family and my work in Mali were showcased. What a fun way to share my story of hope, and my success with cochlear implants.

I hope that anyone interested in overseas missions might consider researching the opportunities to serve with WorldVenture, or donating to help our work through the WorldVenture website: http://www.worldventure.com/Missionaries/Missionary-Directory/Missionary/Seward_Tom_Lisa.html

For regular updates on our work and family, go to http://www.tomseward.com/ .

Thanks to Cindy Dyer for pulling the story together and taking the cover shots. Thanks, also, to Jim Adams, for some of the family shots on the collage. Thanks to my family, particularly my good hubby, Tom, for his patience and love throughout this journey. And thanks most of all, to my Lord for His help, strength, wisdom and hope for each day.

Missing Information

2010-10-13T12:37:00.008-04:00

The obvious problem with hearing loss is that you miss information.

Deaf babies miss the auditory stimulus to begin differentiating sounds and trying them out with their own mouth and tongue. Deaf children cruise on past the prime time for natural language learning, and if they haven't been taught some way of communicating, they miss the relational interaction that helps to socialize and inform them as they develop. Deaf adolescents may continue to have socialization problems and also vocational challenges if they haven't been helped to be functional in an increasingly information-centered world. And late-deafened adults (that's me) become increasingly isolated from the functioning world if they can't find ways to share and receive information about their friends, family, work expectations; you can see the problems here.

Often, a deaf or blind person doesn't even know they've missed some bit of information. If we know we missed something, we can ask for a repeat, but when we don't know, we just continue on with life as we know it. This picture from a couple of years ago is of Tom and me with our friend, Aminata, who is illiterate and having eye problems. She misses a lot of information about the world and things she's interested in because she can't read. She's also vulnerable because she's easily taken advantage of when she doesn't know about necessary documents to sign or requirements for enrolling her kids in school.

There are lots of news stories that I miss every day. When I'm overseas, I must say that I don't actually miss the scare stories, the product recalls, the election ads, the tele-marketers and infomercials. But there are things that I wish I knew sooner when I finally do hear about them, like some new technology or way of doing something that makes life safer or healthier.

Recently, I was reading a discussion on the Facebook wall of a new FB friend who is an atheist, about how no one has the right to push their beliefs on someone else. Being the missionary that I am, this of course, caught my attention. While I agree that no one has the right to forcibly coerce someone to proclaim an allegiance that is ingenuine (Christianity, Islam, Judaism, etc... all have their historical moments of using force and violence to acquire this among their neighbors and "enemies"), it is not true that we don't have the right to share our beliefs openly and honestly with others. I know of people who are so grateful that they heard a different story than the only one to which they had ever been exposed.

It's like the information problem for deaf people, but really everyone. If you don't have access to the internet, newspapers or magazines, or the outside world, you have no opportunity to learn about other belief systems or ways of doing things that might be better than the only way you know. Not that I'm advocating forcing modernity on primitive peoples (yes, there are still some out there untouched by the modern world), but how can anyone learn and make personal decisions if they have no input?

I think it's only fair and humane to share my beliefs if someone is interested, because they might decide to agree with me if they have the chance to know about it. I'm not going to go around beating people over the heads for the chance to share with them. I'm also not going to bribe them with gifts and resources from America, because that would be just as ingenuine as violent coersion. But I know that there are people wanting to know what else is out there, and as far as belief systems go, I tell them that I follow Jesus Christ and his gospel as revealed in the Bible. And I try to live that Gospel out in my life; "walk the talk" as they say.

(By the way, for all my hearing loss friends, watch your mailboxes for the new issue of Hearing Loss Magazine; you'll see a surprise there. If you have hearing loss but aren't a member of the Hearing Loss Association of America, you might want to consider it by checking out their website: http://www.hearingloss.org/ )

Connections with People

2010-09-03T11:58:00.008-04:00

Connections are what life on this planet is all about, don't you think? Connections with God, family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, pets, on-line strangers and so on. We're all forming our personalized web of connections, or relationships, and that web changes every day. It's like a spider web blowing in a breeze, that gives and takes a little, sometimes detaching one silky strand from it's anchor when the tension gets too strong.

Social networking is an exciting, but ever-changing way of bringing some of those connections to life and keeping them stronger. I've personally recruited many of my friends and acquaintances to Facebook, but as the novelty is wearing off, those who aren't serious about getting on-line for anything more than emails have "dead" profiles. Personally, I think they're the ones to lose out on the fun and satisfaction of new, renewed, and closer relationships with people, but I understand being swamped with life and new technology. It's hard to keep up.

But while I was jogging yesterday morning, I passed a sign that alerted drivers to an area with a "hearing impaired child". I immediately wanted to know where this family was and what was the child's situation. I thought there might be a way I could help them understand cochlear implants if that was an option for them. I didn't even know these people, but because of a shared challenge, I felt connected to them in some way.

Just last week at a training seminar for youth workers, the speaker introduced himself and told us about his wife and three kids, the youngest of whom was born deaf. During the coffee break, I met him and told him of my deafness and the solution that bionic ears have been for me. I encouraged him to pursue his research in that area as quickly as possible, since his 5-year-old is already reaching the post-lingual stage of language development where adaptation to C.I.s becomes more challenging, needing speech therapy. I don't know whether he'll follow up on the contact information I gave him or not, but after that, I knew we'd connected on a different level.

Last year, I received an email introducing me to a Ugandan family whose daughter was also born deaf. The couple had contacts with missionaries who were friends of ours. They told this couple about cochlear implants and my experience, and shortly thereafter, a travelling medical team gave them a contact Stateside for hearing evaluation with someone they knew who performed cochlear implant surgery. I recently received an email letting me know that the little girl has just been implanted in Massachusetts, courtesy of the Christian surgeon who had compassion for their case.

I wonder that the more areas in our lives where we've been touched by tragedy and struggle make us better able to connect to people struggling with the same. In that way, it's a blessing to persevere through the struggle, knowing that later on, you might be able to make someone else's journey a little easier.

I know there are also times when you've reached the other side of the struggle, or perhaps the struggle continues indefinitely, but you don't want to be reminded of it in your life, so it's better to pull away and detach. Someone close to me who had breast cancer 5 years ago is not at all interested in marching in 5Ks to raise awareness of cancer. The big "C" is something she has survived at the moment, and doesn't want her life consumed by worrying about it or meeting other people who are in that struggle. To some this might seem selfish, but to her it's mental self-preservation.

Now with a hearing challenge, it's easier to play shy and "keep to myself" if I'm not sure that I'll have anything useful to say or if I lack the courage to put myself out there. But there are times when I know I'm being led to take a step out toward making a connection with someone, and I'm rarely disappointed that I followed it. While some people are intimidating to approach, I think everyone is looking for connections in this world. May they be increasingly positive and grace-filled.

(By the way, this photo was of the boys and me heading to Michigan for Grammy Maire's funeral 2 weeks ago; a temporarily broken connection which I look forward to renewing someday.)

2010-05-23T17:28:00.009-04:00

It's the end of the school year. I'm finishing home-schooling my 4th grader and trying to wrap up a very brief overview of the Civil War. We've just "closed" our village house and tied up all the loose ends that we could with our house helpers and ministry co-workers in Mali, as we head to the States for this next school year. We've stopped in Dakar, Senegal, where our two older children attend school, for the end-of-the-year activities associated with a graduating senior.

And so here I sit in the dark, writing off my computer battery as we live through another power outage and try to make sense of where the flashlights are, but also, where to focus our scattered thoughts and emotions.

My first-born baby is graduating from high school next week. She's getting ready to go off to college, after spending the last five years in Africa. She doesn't have a driver's license yet or a bank account. However, she's not so far behind in American culture as you might expect since she visited "home" a couple of times when we were there for my medical leave and cochlear implantation process. Plus, with internet connections and Facebook friends all over the world, one does not have to live a cloistered life anymore, even in a Third-World country.

So, we have a quick Summer ahead trying to get her "up to speed" on as much as we can before school starts on August 25th. With weddings and travel, doctor's appointments and car shopping, MK Transition Seminars and public school enrollment for the boys, we have a lot to think about in the next three months. Oh yeah, we also have a family-favorite vacation, Cornerstone Music Festival, and I'm attending the Hearing Loss Association of America convention for a day in Milwaukee in June. Did I mention that we have to go through our belongings stored in our trailer and move into our housing for the year before school starts?

But, for this next week or so, we are the proud parents of a sweet, beautiful, loving daughter who is so excited that we can be part of her boarding school life as she graduates. We spent this afternoon looking through her life in pictures, lovingly scanned and stored on 2 disks by her dad, picking out 30-40 of the best representative shots from various ages and locations, for her to choose 15 for a Senior Poster for the Reception. That brought lots of good memories, and only a couple of groans.

Later this week, we get to attend the formal banquet with her and her date and his parents. This should be an interesting time as well, as the seniors are honored by the junior class. Sunday morning's worship service next week will be Senior Sunday, where various class members have opportunity to lead singing and give testimonies. Hilary will be giving her own testimony in the dorm tomorrow night, so I'm not sure she'll do it in the big group next week, but it's a good chance for the students to formulate in their own minds where they've been and where they hope to go in their lives, with God's help and direction.

So, I'm taking that opportunity to meditate a little this week. The last few months have been hard in Mali, with an extra-hot hot season, exacerbated by power supply limitations, and then a heart-breaking situation with a church family that included church discipline, on the road, we hope, to repentance and reconciliation. There have been many joys amidst the challenges, and that just leads us to this transition time of mixed emotions. Joys and heartbreaks. Hopes and disappointments. Rewards and mistakes.

I want to focus on the important things for awhile, like my good God, my loving family, many caring friends and good health. Lord, help me to be de-sensitized to my personal discomforts or annoyances, and live each moment in the joy and peace You give.

I look forward to any comments or advice you'd like to share, if you've been down this road already...

Gifts and giving

2010-02-05T16:25:00.003-05:00

By the title, you might assume I'm just late in reporting on Christmas happenings. While Christmastime reminds us of who, what, why and how much we want to spend on giving each year, this post is broader than that. I'm processing some new insights into the culture in which I'm living as different from the one in which I grew up, and applying those thoughts to concerns I have of helping in Haiti, for example.

(By the way, caption on this photo is a humorous story about gifting...this is my friend, Naomi. See the necklace she's wearing on Christmas Day? Last Christmas, my mom gave us all Lady Godiva chocolates wrapped in these pretty ribbons with bangles, and I saved them from everybody's box and tucked them in my suitcase to bring to Mali. For my Christmas gifts to my friends this year, I wrapped them in these Godiva embellishments, and to my surprise, Naomi was wearing hers proudly the next morning at church!)

Crossing cultures reveals our limitations in language and local know-how, but also brings irritations when the things I expect to happen don't, or I sense that I'm not doing something that is expected of me. The area of gift-giving is one of those personal places where adjustments in thinking and attitude often happen, and probably need to happen more.

As an American, I'm used to giving a gift with a reasonable expectation of reciprocation. We want to know that our relationships are both give and take, otherwise one person starts to feel they're been taken advantage of. Also, in many circles, re-gifting is considered in poor taste, except in White Elephant gift exchanges at Christmastime. And if someone forgets to say "thank you" for a gift, they are certainly marked as thoughtless at best and rude at worst.

While seemingly obvious social standards, these are just cultural values for Americans and some other Western societies, but are not worldwide human rules of behavior. I have been reading a helpful little booklet called, The Essentials: A guide for team members going to Mali, by Face to Face International, a group who helps short-term teams going to various places around the world be prepared for the traveling and culture to which they are going to serve. While I have lived in West Africa for many years now, there are still areas which I don't understand yet and which "rub me the wrong way" when dealing with friends and strangers here, including gift-giving.

A quote given in this booklet is by Malian Djingarey Maiga, "Gifts are the link with your neighbors, your parents, your relatives. If you can't keep that link, you are not a human being." And yet Mali is near the bottom of Human Development Index reports for quality of life and poverty levels, and rights and opportunities for women. Many people live on $1 a day or less so how can they afford to give gifts all the time?

I come in as the "rich American", and try to balance wanting to help people in real, tangible ways, with not creating a dependency on "foreign aid" or my limited monthly budget. So, I give money to some, jobs to others, food assistance to a few, and hand-me-down clothes and stuff to whoever wants it. Figuring out who to give to and not create jealousies or injustices among friends has been a concern.

But then, sometimes I'll see an article of clothing that I gave one family on a child of another family, and I know that what I gave to one was shared with others, and that makes me feel good. If I was offended that my gift was "re-gifted" to someone else, I'd be missing one of the good points about Malian gift-giving, in that by "paying forward" and sharing with others, we're making the community as a whole stronger and better connected, and also taking care of the sick and poor. I don't have to feel embarrassed about children going through my garbage or offering my outgrown or unwanted clothes to my friends because they will take what they want or need and share with the less fortunate who need as well. I just feel good about getting rid of my clutter, but I can feel good about it going to people who need it as well.

So, gift-giving is not based on exchange or equivalence between giver and receiver, although everyone eventually receives gifts because that's part of the connection to the community. My gifts might be more in the area of finances or goods, while the gifts given to me are more in the area of services and cultural support and information. One thing that is equal and expected here is the cultural greeting that shows respect for the other person. When meeting someone new for the first time and also each day or "session" of being together, people go through an elaborate greeting ritual, asking about health, family, work, etc... putting people on equal ground before saying the truth of your health and that of your family. As efficient, task-oriented Americans, we are often impatient with the ritual and feel that saying we're fine, the family's fine, etc... is dishonest when really we're sick.

But giving that basic human level of respect and a moment of time, is a huge gift that shows I care about these people and that we can move our relationship ahead. All gifts given here, whether abstract gifts of respect and honor, or gifts of time and service, or of money or groceries, have strings attached to them which hold the relationships together and create the social network that functions here. STRINGS ATTACHED TO MY GIFTS? Another area of annoyance for Americans.

And since giving is so much the base of life here, it's often expected that if someone needs something and I have it, they have the right to ask me for it; that I'm willing to share of my abundance, even if it's only electricity off my line or lemons off my tree. (When it's something special that I've brought over from America and I know they don't understand the sacrifice they're asking or that they wouldn't know how to use it or enjoy it, I politely refuse; I do have my limits.) But since it's expected, there's not always a “thank you” to accompany the gift. Do you sense several annoyances here already?

Anyway, I know of several people who are in Haiti or planning to go to Haiti to help there in the coming weeks and months. I've been thinking about some of these inherent cross-cultural differences, and how that might impact the effectiveness of someone's efforts. Nevermind the obvious problems of eating, drinking and staying healthy in a place of catastrophic destruction or even war. Isn't there a responsibility by the “heroes” descending en masse to make an effort at being culturally appropriate? Washing sores and giving out vitamins and clean water might indeed safe a life; I've done that here. But I'm afraid that some of the “heroes” who have their own set of needs, limitations and expectations might go in blindly to the culture and do more harm than good among the Haitians. Being a highly moved and motivated human being does not necessarily translate to being an effective rescuer, and those who go in without making local connections and doing some real research on where they're going may just be adding to the problem by being in the way or even drawing resources away to take care of them, or worse yet, by offending the people they've gone to save.

Sometimes, gifts wrapped in the wrong packages or given for the wrong motivations, seem more of a curse than a blessing. I'm afraid that altruistic gifts of time or life-saving supplies wrapped in ugly American pride and ignorance, or given out of a “hero” mentality, could have that effect on the already hurting Haitians. I pray that God will take people's humble efforts at doing good works for others and make them truly good and effective.

I am so grateful for the gift of my cochlear implants, and for the little bit of giving I can do as a result of being re-connected to relationships through my hearing. I think of the researchers and developers who gave their time and intellect to develop this technology, and the audiologists who help us to be able to use it. We are all connected in different ways and domains to make this human experience interesting and effective. Even if we see things from different perspectives, the “pay it forward” concept works anywhere!

And as a Christian, I'm most grateful for the ultimate gift of Jesus. Ok, a little belated Christmas ending!

Lessons on Love and Suffering; from life and a book.

2009-12-16T08:09:00.012-05:00

I've just finished reading a book and am pondering it's connection in my own life with the journey I've had these last two years through illness and deafness and the challenges, physically, emotionally, and spiritually in dealing with this new disability.

The book is "Hinds' Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard. It's an allegorical story of a woman's spiritual journey from being in life's valley of fear and crippling obstacles to the High Places of joy and contentment, like the beautiful, white-capped mountains most of us only dream of visiting. She wishes to have the ability to jump and climb with freedom through the woods and across streams and flower fields to the summits, but must first agree to the path the Shepherd plans for her, to achieve the healing and be equipped and trained for the Kingdom of Love above.

I'm not much of a fantasy-genre fan, and this allegory turned me off many years ago when I tried to pick it up and read it. But this time, I got it! I suppose I've lived enough now and persevered through a few of my own difficult spots in life to be able to relate to many of the emotions alluded to in this story. And there are definitely some lessons to be learned from reading "Hinds' Feet on High Places". I marked a few of the lines that stood out to me as I read the book, and want to share them with you. I'd love to hear your thoughts on these as well, or other passages from this book, if you've read it, too.

The first thing that grabbed my attention was when Much-Afraid (our heroine) begins her journey and the Shepherd stops her by a field of beautiful wild-flowers, saying "Humble yourself, and you will find that Love is spreading a carpet of flowers beneath your feet." She responds by noting the strangeness of multitudes of flowers giving so much beauty and sweetness that no-one will ever see or appreciate. On showing her that the flowers are happy to offer their best anyway, he says, "All the fairest beauties in the human soul, its greatest victories, and its most splendid achievements are always those which no one else knows anything about, or can only dimly guess at. Every inner response of the human heart to Love and every conquest over self-love is a new flower on the tree of Love."

In a Facebook age where you tell your world what you're doing every day or what you ate or how you're feeling, it's a good reminder that some things, maybe the BEST things, are those that you hold closest and most secret between you and your Maker. Personally, the pressures of being a volunteer with a non-profit organization where we must live on donations and seek our support through the faithful giving of others means that we have to "toot our own horn" in a sense to raise that money, or else our work shuts down. It's always a personal challenge to do my work with integrity and leave the results and the support of it in my Lord's hands, without trying to jump in and "help him out" in my way and time. I want to be one of those sweet little flowers, offering my best whether it's noticed and appreciated or not.

Another lesson our heroine learned on her journey through the burning wilderness, where nothing grew on the land and the shoreline was scattered with broken driftwood and tangled masses of shriveled seaweed, was to accept the help of her companions, named Sorrow and Suffering, and to joyfully accept the deep, inner changes in her life that would take place as a result of her struggle to obey the Shepherd's assigned path for her. She looked back to where she had started her journey and could tell that she was already a different person; "I was that woman, but am not that woman now."

She didn't understand how it had happened, but she saw that "for those who go down into the furnace of Egypt (reference to the Hebrew slaves of the Old Testament) and find there the flower of Acceptance come up changed and with the stamp of royalty upon them." "Therefore, though she went with Sorrow and Suffering day after day along the shores of the great sea of Loneliness, she did not go cringingly or complainingly. Indeed, gradually an impossible thing seemed to be happening. A new kind of joy was springing up in her heart, and she began to find herself noticing beauties in the landscape of which until then she had been quite unconscious." In my own experience, I found my six months of deafness a kind of wilderness and time of testing. The Bible refers to the metal workers' refining fire for gold, to boil out the impurities in the mined ore, leaving a purest gold to be worked and molded.

That's how I see my wilderness time, as a refining fire, where I began noticing more and more the beauties of hugs, smiles, extra effort for my benefit, encouraging notes and emails, verses and songs from memory coming to mind at just the right time, and personal messages spoken to my heart from the Father to encourage me along the journey. Now I can look back and see that I have changed in many ways, and though I would wish for the quick healing and restored hearing, I know that what I learned could never have been bought ("priceless") or shared from someone else. I had to walk it on my own and learn it by myself.

Toward the end of the book and the end of our heroine's journey to the summit, she recalls to the Shepherd the lessons she learned. The last one hit me that "every circumstance in life, no matter how crooked and distorted and ugly it appears to be, if it is reacted to in love and forgiveness and obedience to your will can be transformed. Therefore, I begin to think, my Lord, you purposely allow us to be brought into contact with the bad and evil things that you want changed. Perhaps that is the very reason why we are here in this world, where sin and sorrow and suffering and evil abound, so that we may let you teach us so to react to them, that out of them we can create lovely qualities to live forever. That is the only really satisfactory way of dealing with evil, not simply binding it so that it cannot work harm, but whenever possible overcoming it with good."

Wow! Is that a challenge? Not to get angry when I've been lied to or scammed again, when someone steals my identity or account numbers; not to try to get revenge when I am abused or maligned. Not to call a name back or mumble a curse under my breath when someone insults me or just isn't efficient in my estimation. There's a lot to consider here...

In my edition of "Hinds' Feet on High Places" there is a brief autobiography and an abridged "Lessons Learned on the Slopes of the High Places" section by the author written about a retreat in the Swiss Alps where she was touched with this story and the truths she learned. She summarizes why she thinks we are born into this fallen world and entrusted with earthly mortal life...that we may learn, in a way which perhaps we could not do in heaven, how to abandon ourselves to loving God. She writes, "In heaven everyone and everything is lovable..everyone loves everyone else, and in hell no one loves anyone. But on earth we are in a perfect environment for learning how to love as God loves: to abandon ourselves to loving the apparently unlovely people who remind us that in many ways we are still very unlovely ourselves! Love is not a feeling. It is an overmastering passion to help and bless and deliver and comfort and strengthen and give joy to others just as the Lord Jesus always did."

This is definitely something I need to work on, and am so glad I read this book at this time to challenge me in these areas.

One-year Anniversary of Being a Bionic Woman

2009-09-10T10:34:00.003-04:00

It's been a learning process, this past year of being implanted on both sides of my head with cochlear implants, and getting the speech processors programmed and adjusted, and then practicing listening in different environments. I immediately had speech discrimination because I had been deaf such a short time and had been fully hearing previously. But I've continued to have "C.I. moments" throughout the year, where new sounds enter, and my brain makes the connection to what it is. These are usually delightful times followed by gratefulness for this technology.

The other morning, my son and I took a walk with the two dogs. We just headed out to the edge of town and kept walking down the path towards some village. We walked past groves of trees, cornfields, termite mounds, all the while avoiding puddles from the night's rain. Occasionally, we'd hear a bird sound that is unique to Africa, with some cool rhythm that we'd repeat and laugh at. I was so pleased to hear these sounds that remind me that I'm in a different world. I love living in Africa, even though there are plenty of discomforts and risks to life and limb that would be outlawed in our "civilized" society back home. But there's a freedom here to wander and explore, with just a little excitement of the unknown, to crank up the adrenalin. The people are lovely and gracious and worth every inconvenience.

I wondered how I'd be able to return to Africa with these hi-tech gadgets making my life live-able again, with the humidity of rainy season and the incessant dust of the dry season threatening the functioning of my equipment. So far, so good. It's rainy season and I've had no problems. We'll see how dry season does come December.

I've backed off on some of my involvements in the on-line community of support for cochlear implant wearers because there are so many caring, articulate people on HearingJourney.com to answer the questions of newcomers that my posts felt redundant. I have had many opportunities to encourage people on the side and direct them to HJ, which became a second family to me during my return to hearing. I still lurk and post on the forum sometimes, but since the live chats are in the middle of my night here, I have only joined in once in the past several months. But I feel that the whole point is to get people back to their normal lives, and I'm a success story in that regard, thank God.

I still struggle to hear when someone is turned away from me and there is ambient noise to drown out their voice. But I've been trying to get back to my BBC radio broadcasts when I'm puttering in the kitchen, and I've noticed an improvement there, too. When we first got back here a few months ago, I felt proud that I sorted out the English channel from the other language channels on my radio dial. Now, I can pick up words and phrases at a time. Still not getting the whole gist of the story most times, but I enjoy the chatter. There are slight quality of sound improvements that I notice once in awhile that encourage me to keep working at it. And I do prefer to watch movies with the subtitles on. My family doesn't mind one bit, and finds that they read nuances and details in the subtitles that they might have missed in the dialogue otherwise.

There are still a few people who read my blog or refer others here for encouragement in their hearing journey, so now I'm one of the experienced ones, a veteran bilateral cochlear implant user. Plus, I'm living in a remote part of the world where there's no audiological support nearby if my "ears" go down, other than my cyber supports. So far, that's been all I needed! Thanks to all of you for cheering me on this year!

Urban African Living with Cochlear Implants

2009-07-09T04:06:00.007-04:00

I'm the kind of person who wants to get things right if I'm going to bother doing them. Sometimes, it drives hubby crazy, because he justs wants to get the job done.

When I'm overwhelmed with the size of the job I'm envisioning because I've added so much to it in my mind in order to get it right that I've immobilized myself, I call him in to get the momentum started and then I put the quality control in place that I prefer. We've learned over the years how to work together so we complement each other rather than grate on each other (most of the time...). Happy Anniversary this week, my man!

So, it's been awhile since I've written on this blog. Partly because I wanted to get it right, partly because we've been travelling overseas and overland, and partly because we're just enjoying our family time and being all together again this Summer.

But since this blog is my personal blog, oriented towards my hearing journey and the updates on my cochlear implant, I figured I'd better say something, even if not perfectly written and researched, about how I'm doing with the implants in a different climate and with people of different languages. Maybe my insights may answer a question or help someone else along in their journey.

Living in a third world country is a daily challenge that demands alertness and forethought in order to survive. For example, you can't just go to the store and buy chicken breasts or ground beef; you have to buy the chicken, butcher it, pluck it and clean it out, before cooking with it. Or you go to the fly-infested meat market first thing in the morning and pick your chunk of meat hanging on a hook, and ask the butcher to do an initial de-tendoning to make it easier to slice, grind, or cube. Here in Bamako at my local meat market, guys with on-site grinders take a lot of the work out of preparing ground beef. Also house-helpers can do some of that work and running around, if you make your lists and menus ahead of time.

We have to wash and bleach our fruits and vegetables before eating them, including and especially lettuce leaves. We have to sift the bugs out of the flour, pick rocks out of the rice, and hope our gas bomb doesn't quit in the middle of our cooking. Oh, don't forget to keep the water filter flowing, because running out of drinking water in a hot, dry climate is potentially life-threatening.

Now, I add in the concerns of sensitive bionic implants and speech processors, where I have to re-charge my batteries at night when power surges and outtages are a fact of life. I must say, though, that my surge protector is doing a great job, and as long as I keep all my back-up batteries topped off, I would expect to last through a 3-4 day outtage without worry. I keep my processors in my Dry Aid storage kits at night to minimize humidity issues with the T-Mic microphones, and so far I've not had any problems. The manufacturers of my equipment have done a great job of building in protection against water and dirt damage. Thanks, Advanced Bionics, for giving me my life back.

My main challenge now is the problem with listening environments. Most buildings are brick and cement, with no carpet to dampen accoustical bounce or echoing, so sound goes everywhere and back before I "catch" it. I have to be close to the person speaking and have them face me so the sound is directed at me and so I can see their faces. We're working on finding some wall tapestries and drapes, and maybe a plant of two to help break the sound bounce in this house. But as we keep the windows open for air flow, the metal workers who grind, pound, and unload trucks just on the other side of our wall, are very loud at times and there's not much we can do about that.

I have to ask for repeats often when I'm trying to listen in French, partly because there are many varieties of French out here (those from Paris, those from Quebec, those from Francophone Africa, Chinese people speaking French, Brazilians speaking French, etc...), and then attempting what I can in Bambara, the trade language here, is intimidating. Add to that the noise of fans or swamp coolers, traffic, t.v.s or radios, and normal conversations as background noise, and I'm constantly sorting through layers of sound to pull out what I want to hear. It is certainly a blessed peace to go "off air" for a rest after lunch and at night.

Yesterday, my daughter and I did a little shopping downtown. Trying to fend off pushy vendors in stores with blaring music and no air flow became more than we could handle. After the second such store and some forthright rudeness on our part to get rid of hangers-on who "just wanted to help us" (right! I've had my purse stolen twice before, thanks), we found our ice cream and pastry shop with air conditioning and peace, and sat for an hour chatting. Here again, I struggled to understand her, but I was glad for the coolness and calm anyway.

The other day, I went to a large conference where I was escorted to the front seats as a V.I.P. While I didn't ask for the special treatment, that's how it is out here and you must receive it graciously. I found that it was another blessing as I could hear better situated in front of the speakers and I could see the action better, except for the photographers who sometimes blocked my view of the stage. So that was a surprisingly good experience.

Another of my challenges is talking to taxi drivers when 1) the windows are down or broken out so the wind blows in and the street noise is loud, 2) he's facing the front and I'm in back, 3) his car is rattling and the brakes squeal and shut me down momentarily, 4) many taxi drivers are Bambara-only speakers (back to the language problem). I found that if I negotiate the price before I get in so we're in agreement about where I'm going and how much it costs, then I don't have to "socialize" during the trip. If he tries to talk to me and I can't hear well, I just say I can't hear well and enjoy the trip. That's that. I hope he isn't offended or think I'm aloof, but in this culture, strange men and women aren't really supposed to interact anyways, although for foreigners, that's a little different. I say "Merci, or I-ni-chay" and go on my way when I arrive.

Most people are gracious and understanding if I explain why I'm struggling to understand them. I do prefer, sometimes, to let other people do the communicating. It helps to have hubby or one of my kids around to re-state something or interpret for me when I'm really stuck. I'm used to their voices, so that usually solves the problem. Every once in awhile, though, I just say, "tell me later", or "oh, well, I hope it doesn't really matter", and move on.

So, that's where I'm at in this journey so far. Grateful that I can "hear" again, but struggling with the quality that comes in. I'm functioning and doing as much as I can, and then passing off the duties that I can't to others. Answering phone calls, especially when they might be in another language with someone with little phone skills is not a success, but dealing with matters by email or on Skype is fine.

Having successes day by day and grateful for all my supporters and resources,

Lisa

Catching Up and Going Back...or is it Forward?

2009-04-29T11:47:00.011-04:00

Well, my last post several weeks ago was cheering on some reality show contestants with physical challenges, besides that provided by the producers. To date, Scott on American Idol has been voted off, but Luke and Margie are still on The Amazing Race. They've been having some interpersonal spats with other contestants that shows their fatigue at this point in the race. I hope they can end gracefully, in whichever position they achieve. It would be nice to see them win.

Meanwhile, I've been doing some travelling with my family, speaking in churches that support our work in Africa and giving them an update on our current plans to return to Mali with my hearing situation. For Spring Break, we drove to Minot, ND, and renewed friendships there with my college roommate and her family and church. As we drove back, we enjoyed watching flock after flock of Canada Geese heading north in formation after a long winter. We also stopped to play in a huge snowdrift by the side of the highway, but otherwise avoided the flooding and snowfall before and after our visit.

Once the weather started to show signs of Spring, I started walking outside again and enjoying the sounds of woodpeckers and other birds getting busy with their work of living. It is such a pleasure to hear these things again, as I recall where I was at last year at this time. I had survived a difficult case of malaria and dysentery, with some complications that convinced my doctor to give me an antibiotic that "nuked" my hearing. I arrived back in the States on April 18th, my birthday, last year, profoundly deaf in both ears.

For six months, I was in shock at my new circumstances and the feeling of complete dependence on my husband and family to interpret my world for me. Then I got my first cochlear implant, which restored my sense of confidence and hope as I could once again have conversations with people and listen to the radio and t.v. Doing so well with the first one, I got the second implant in my other ear and the feeling of being balanced in hearing again was confirmation that I could plan on getting back to my "life" and work.

Now, many months later, I am still hesitant to talk on the phone, but can do it if necessary and will make the best of trying to understand. Noisy restaurants and riding in the car are still listening challenges, but I do think that music is improving. And voices don't sound like chipmunks anymore!

So, we have booked our tickets to fly back to Africa on June 8th, leaving from Chicago. We have a few more speaking engagements before then, and lots of sorting and packing to do. We also need to continue presenting our work for people's consideration of charitable donation. Here is a link to our agency's personal page for us, with buttons near the top to make on-line donations or commitments: http://http//worldventure.com/Missionaries/Missionary-Directory/Missionary/Seward_Tom_Lisa.html

Thanks for considering if you'd like to be a prayer or financial partner with us in a difficult but rewarding work. We are helping down-trodden women learn to read and write, children be able to go to school, pastors be able to serve the locals in their villages, young people learn English and expand their view of the world, and much more. To see an archive and many pictures of our blog, check this out: http://tomseward.com/

I'm so glad I could share with you today. Thanks for stopping by.

Cheering for the disabled competitors on The Amazing Race and American Idol!

2009-03-04T15:54:00.005-05:00

I'm celebrating two t.v. shows that are giving disabled people a real shot at winning. And, I'm cheering those two individuals on, hoping they can out-perform their competition and show the world in a classy way that although they have a disability, they can still function, and even thrive, in life.

My favorite show is The Amazing Race, because I often feel like these racers when I'm travelling, having to improvise and problem-solve to get where I need to go. This season on the show, there is a couple, a mom and her deaf son, Margie and Luke, who are doing well so far. He expressed some frustration at not being able to communicate with other competitors because they don't know sign language. He is somewhat dependent on his mom to interpret for him, but he can read the clues and does well in the challenges. This past episode showed a team of girls trying to write notes to get to know him. I liked that, because I remember how people had to write for me when my lipreading wasn't working. I also like how Phil, the host, when he's standing at the Pit Stop, signs which place they've arrived at, making a special effort to meet Luke on his terms. Go Margie and Luke!

The other show is American Idol, where there is a contestant who sings and plays piano totally blind. He has to be guided onto the stage, but once he gets there, he's great! His name is Scott MacIntyre, and we'll see tonight if America moves him on to the next stage of the competition. Even Simon Cowell had big praise for his performance last night and felt that he has great potential and is relevant, despite his disability. Go Scott!

Sometimes, a disability can become a real ability when handled with a good attitude. People can see the struggle and appreciate the effort that goes in to overcoming life's obstacles. However, a few seasons ago on The Amazing Race, there was a team of cousins where one of them was a "little person". She fought hard to keep up and really tried to pull her weight even though at times you could see that her cousin had to do more than her share to make up for the things the little person just couldn't do. After a while, their attitude of fighting to show that little people are worthy became irritating and offensive; she really took a victim posture and lost my respect.

I think that a better way to earn the respect of people is to do your best and work hard and try to have an "attitude of gratitude" and grace to meet the challenges of life, realizing that everyone has their own set of challenges. It's been 11 months since I went deaf and my world changed, but there have been some really good changes and outcomes amidst the challenges and frustrations. I have made new friends in the cochlear implant world and learned much about hearing and deafness. I have a new compassion for the disabled because now I am one. My family and I have had to adjust and be adaptable and understanding with each other with the changes in our plans and how we now look at things like travelling and our future work in Africa. By the way, we plan on returning to our life and work in Mali in June, even though it will be interesting to see how being dependent on a high-tech gadget in a third-world country works. I need to start now with crafting my explanations in the languages in which we are learning to work over there...

Anyway, I am inspired by these competitors who are fighting to win, as I take my life's work to task and follow the Bible's instruction in 1 Corinthians 9:24, "Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win". Of course, this isn't talking about The Amazing Race television show, but the amazing race of my life. Am I running it to win? I hope so.

Two Weeks of Meetings at HQ

2009-02-07T17:22:00.006-05:00

After two weeks of meetings in Denver, Tom and I are back home and settled into our routine again. The meetings were a kind of real-life test of hearing effectiveness for me. Some of the meetings were held in a mid-size conference room with about 20 people around a U-shaped table arrangement. Generally only one person was speaking at a time and I could see them and follow well. Just like in noisy restaurants, when lots of people are talking at the same time, it's harder to "zero in" on the conversation in which I'm taking part. But overall, I was encouraged that I could participate in the discussions and even catch most of the jokes. There was one participant who had a ready, loud, distinctive laugh who drowned out some of the jokes when she sat beside me, but I just laughed along anyway!

The second week, we were moved to a big hotel where the conference room held 100-150 people around 10-chair tables. When we were listening to a speaker or musician, I caught most of that as well, because the sound came out of speakers aimed at the audience and my T-mic microphones picked it up well. When we had big-group prayer times where various people around the room prayed, I could hear very little of that because of the distance and lack of amplification, and because people often pray quieter and with their heads bowed. I took comfort in the fact that other people struggled to hear as well.

The worst listening scenario was during the Recognition Luncheon when we were in a big ballroom where the program was piped out of speakers in the ceiling. There was no direction to the sound; it just got lost all over the room. With the clanking of silverware and glasses and the squirmy children and servers doing their thing, I could understand next to nothing from the podium. I was near the back of the room as well, so my visual cues were limited. I did catch when they called our name to go forward for recognition for our years of service with the mission. I felt that many people who knew of my situation this past year were cheering a little extra, glad to see me back in the game.

By the time we left to come back home, I felt reinvigorated by the fun relationship time we had and the spiritual renewal times. I was charged up with ideas for follow-up on areas of ministry both here while we're Stateside and for our work back in Mali. But most of all, I felt like I functioned nearly normally and that my gifts and availability for service are still needed and useful. Tom and I need to gear-up now for our return to Africa at the end of the school year.

We need to start looking at buying our plane tickets, sorting and packing our things stored here at my mom's house, continue our speaking engagements and efforts to discover the rest of our needed monthly financial support, and work on all the other details of finishing the school year, and getting my speech processors ready for a year overseas. I need to set up a meeting with my surgeon, my main audiologist and me to strategize how to best arrange my programs for maximum effect while keeping third world challenges in consideration.

New mappings, new results, shows progress!

2009-01-16T20:17:00.006-05:00

We had a busy Christmas holiday, travelling to Florida to see family and getting in a little fun on the side, too.

Last week, I had my third mapping on my new implant which gave me the Hi-Res 120 quality programming, which is more than just the volume increases we were going for initially when getting that ear to "wake up". The Hi-Res 120 gives better sound quality, and as my brain adjusts to these impulses, I can expect to hear more nuances of voices and music. My daughter, Hilary, went with me to the audiologist's office for that mapping and found he whole process interesting. She saw the audiologist working with the computer and the programs to give me the best sound, but also doing some creative problem-solving to help rehab my hearing. Hilary thought it might be a good career consideration, except that it's a bit more science-oriented than she's been gearing up for.

I had another mapping yesterday; this time it was my 3-month mapping for my first ear and my 1-month mapping for my 2nd ear. But before we sat down at the computer, the audiologist took me to the sound booth to test how I was doing with my first implant. My mother-in-law came with me this time and sat in the booth while I listened for the quietest possible sound I could hear, and got in the normal range for that test. Also, I repeated sentences that I heard over the speaker with no visual cues, and I got 98% right! After that, I repeated random isolated words and got 20 out of 25 right. The audiologist was so pleased with my results, and so was I, of course.

Now, I'm getting ready to travel to our mission's headquarters with my hubby for two weeks of meetings and training. This will be a kind of test for me on a new level to see how I can integrate back into my functioning world, outside of my home or church environment where I am comfortable. We will be in small groups, big meeting rooms, workshops, and travelling on the train (just for a new adventure!). I am planning on bringing a few of my "toys", like my mini-FM system in case I need a little help in the big meeting room hearing the speakers or music. I anticipate that air conditioning fans and chairs moving around and other distracting sounds might be a problem in hearing a speaker, so this system might be a real help. I also have a mini-microphone for talking one-on-one in noisy situations, which might help me, too.

All-in-all I feel encouraged by my progress and can see that I'm improving in my ability to function as a normal hearing person (with a little help!).

2nd Ear Activation

2008-12-19T07:21:00.005-05:00

Here's the video that my husband took of me and the audiologist getting my 2nd cochlear implant activated on Wednesday, the 17th. These are the first minutes that my left ear had any sound stimulation in 8 months. It helped me to realize how far my 1st implant has come, even though I'm still working on it to feel like sounds and music are how I remember; they aren't yet, but it's only been 2 months on that side. When the 2nd ear was turned on here, sounds went back to being "tinny" and "chirpy".

I returned the next day and had my levels adjusted again on that ear and left the office feeling more balanced in both ears, like they weren't competing for my best attention. Now, I can enjoy Christmas vacation in Florida with family and participate in all of the activities, except swimming in the ocean...I have to take the speech processors off to swim, or shower or sleep.

The audiologist asked me if the sounds felt weird; some new CI users FEEL the sound more than HEAR it at first. I said that this whole thing was weird; here I am plugged into a computer, listening to digital beeps and trying to make them even in volume. YES, this is weird; I just want my normal hearing back! But I realize that that is no longer an option for me, so I am very grateful for this technology that gave me my life back and my joy, and I'll work and make the best of it for the rest of my life.

I'm also grateful to my employer/mission organization, WorldVenture, for funding all of this expensive rehabilitation for me. With many people having little or no health insurance, I realize how blessed I am to be "covered" by this great group. I'm also grateful to my Lord for giving me little personal and spiritual encouragements along the way, during this difficult time of deafness. He has brought people across my path bringing gifts of smiles and hugs, or prayer support, or even monetary gifts to help with our side of the expenses. He has also encouraged my heart with verses of Scripture at just the right moment to prove that He is a living and active God and cares about me, personally.

Thanks, too, to my ever-patient family and friends, my surgeon and audiologists, and HearingJourney.com who have supported my progress in many different ways. I feel like a success story in progress, and it's certainly not my own doing.

Seward family Christmas silliness

2008-12-15T19:51:00.001-05:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Hearing Progress and Getting Ready for 2nd Ear Activation

2008-12-15T19:22:00.003-05:00

It's surprising how fast time flies, especially at holiday time when there are extra meals to prepare, gifts to buy, and errands to run. I haven't posted a blog now for weeks, but as I look forward to my 2nd activation on Wednesday, I'm thinking about the progress I've made in returning to the hearing world.

I still don't jump to answer the phone; maybe I'm just lazy, but sometimes it's still hard to understand the person on the other end of the line. There are many people who call our house, though, that I can understand and enjoy a conversation with, with only the occasional request for a repeat. That's a wonderful step ahead.

On Friday, I was the "guest lecturer" at my 3rd grader's classroom to talk for about 40 minutes on hearing and hearing loss, and cochlear implants, as part of their Science unit on sound. Did I "wow" 23 students with my technical knowledge and expertise, or was it just at the end when I stuck a spoon to the side of my head? In any case, I don't think I embarrassed my son too much, so all-in-all it felt like a successful event.

Yesterday at church, I worked both services in the baby nursery as part of a monthly rotation when I can get my "baby fix" on a regular basis. But I also worked last night for the Christmas program and played with talking toddlers. This was a step forward since normally babies just need rocking or bottles, but toddlers like interaction and vocabulary building. So, little Justin and Jeremy and I played with airplanes and Pooh Bears and my hearing impairment wasn't a problem with my cochlear implant working for me.

I've been working on my music appreciation by listening to Christmas music on my MP3 player, both orchestral and multi-layered music and with simpler acoustic arrangements that make it easier to hear and understand the pitches and lyrics. I've still got a ways to go before music sounds like what I remember, but my brain must be making adjustments again because my clarity is starting to get "mushy" and I can tell that I need a new mapping in my 1st speech processor. So, I'm glad that I'm already scheduled this week at the audiologist's office for my 2nd processor activation so I can get them both tweaked before Christmas vacation.

By the way, my daughter who is away at boarding school in Senegal, is coming home for Christmas on Thursday. I haven't had a face-to-face conversation with her since I got my implants, so I'm so excited to sit down and get caught up. We chat and email each other on-line, but I haven't had a real talk with her since before I went deaf in April. We're going down to Florida for most of the vacation to spend time with our families down there, siblings, cousins, grandparents, whom we've haven't seen in years, in some cases. It should be a nice time together and I'm so glad I'll be able to participate in it all!

A Second Implant, Already?

2008-11-15T15:48:00.005-05:00

My life has returned, or at least my ability to live my life again! The last few weeks have been busy with mappings for my speech processor and doing listening exercises to regain a sense of hearing using my new cochlear implant. And I'm doing most of the things I used to do in my roles as wife and mother. The grin on my face when I have a great conversation with someone or get a joke that I would have previously missed is clear evidence to all of how much I'm "coming out the cave" I've been in for the last six months.

After being activated for about 2 weeks, my audiologist who had spoken with the surgeon suggested that I should go ahead and get the second ear implanted as soon as possible, since I'm looking at returning to Africa next June, and will need time for mappings on the new ear and to coordinate both implants. I had been resigned to doing only one ear at this time, even though our mission's medical plan had approved the financing for both implants. But when the audiologist pointed out that the longer I wait to stimulate the non-implanted ear, the longer and harder will be the rehabilitation on that side, and perhaps it will have less potential as time goes on. So, after confirming with the mission that I could do the second ear, we gave the go-ahead to the hospital schedulers.

It took nearly two weeks before we heard back with a definite date, and then they were asking if we could be ready for surgery in one week. Unfortunately, the date they wanted for surgery was the same day that Tom had booked a flight to Florida to help his parents move, but we went ahead and agreed to the surgery date, not knowing if there'd be another opportunity to get it in before the end of the year. Then we set about rearranging some things, and asking my mom if she could come back from Florida, as she had offered, to help me with recovery.

So, Wednesday morning this week, November 12th, I had my left ear implanted in the same way as my right ear was done two months ago. I'm now recovering again, with some pain in that ear and at the incision, and a dull headache when I let the pain meds go low. I'm sleeping more than normal and hungry, too. I think that the body's healing process requires more nutrition, but I certainly don't want to add more pounds while I'm vainly regretting the new patch of shaved hair on my poor tortured head.

This time, however, I have the working speech processor that allows me to hear so I'm not in complete silence when it's on. It was fun to see the same nurses in pre-op, too, comment that I seemed much happier than before. They could tell that I was doing well with my first implant, as it was showing in my personality and my facial expression.

One of the things I've accomplished since having the gift of hearing again is renewing my driver's license by myself. I drove down to the office, filled out the paperwork, answered all questions and testing without ever explaining my hearing impairment, and walked out of the office in under 15 minutes, temporary permit in hand. I was so pleased with my progress and hopeful of other things I can do now. I must admit to a moment's hesitation when I hear the phone ring, and checking the caller i.d. to see if it's someone I know and a voice I might understand, but even that should improve with time and practice. So, I keep doing my homework and expecting great results.

Hearing Again - The First Week

2008-10-18T08:16:00.003-04:00

I've been "activated" for a week now (my cochlear implant speech processor turned on) and have discovered sounds I didn't hear before, like the tumbling mechanism in doorknobs, the creak of the dinner table hinge, and the crunch of the carpet fibers.

Other sounds were a surprise to hear because I hadn't heard them in so long I'd forgotten they were there, like the ding of the car door and music in restaurants. Yesterday, after I'd ignored the phone ringing for fear of picking it up and being stuck not understanding whoever was on the other end, I noticed a regular, little buzz and asked my husband to look at the processor on my ear to see if any lights were flashing or something. He said no and then laughed as he realized what the pulsating buzz was...the message indicator on the answering machine in the office.

I did have a successful phone conversation with my mom, but not with some other people, so that was encouraging but also makes me want to keep working on hearing rehabilitation so that I can have complete functioning. We were involved in a busy 5-day missions conference this week, where I spoke several times in different "environments", and had to monitor our display table out in a busy lobby. The lobby time was a real challenge because of all the background noise and discussions going on around me. But I was pleased to be able to HAVE conversations! I felt like a butterfly coming out of her cocoon, being able to be ME again. I'm so thankful for this technology.

I was asked the other day, "What is your favorite sound?" I replied that it ISN'T loading and unloading the dishwasher...the clanking dishes and pots is so loud and annoying. I am really struggling to answer that question because nothing sounds as I know it should. My auditory memory tells me what I remember hearing from just 6 months ago and the bird calls and music coming in don't sound right yet. Don't get me wrong; I'm so glad to hear my husband's voice again, even though he sounds like Alvin of the Chipmunks. I guess my favorite sound is my sons' voices when they look me in the eye with something very important to tell me, and they're little chipmunk voices are so cute. I wish I could "bottle" them for later when they're all grown up and my speech processor has adjusted to sounding "right". I'll long to remember those little chipmunks in my house.

Just a side note: I had my third mapping (processor re-programming) at the audiologist's on Wednesday, and she was so pleased with my progress, she asked if I was planning on getting the other ear implanted. She had talked to my surgeon about my progress and felt that the processor was meeting my expectations and that I was adjusting well to my new "toy". She advised that if I thought I would ever do the other ear, I should do it sooner than later, since the more time that passes means a longer rehabilitation on the other end from lack of stimulation. And since I'm pushing to return to Africa next June, I should try to get it scheduled before the end of this year so I have enough time to do mappings with both ears. So, now we've gotten the go-ahead from our medical coverage to schedule the second surgery and are awaiting word from the audiologist about the next date.

My Cochlear Implant Activation Days

2008-10-10T20:09:00.006-04:00

On Thursday, my husband and I drove down to Ann Arbor for an 8:00 am appointment with my audiologist, Rachel. On arriving at the office, I was sent for an x-ray, which I hadn't expected, but realized was a good idea to show that the implant was still in place and the electrode array was curled properly inside my cochlea from the outside high frequencies to the inside low frequencies.

Back in Rachel's office, we went through the box of parts and accessories that came with my speech processor, including earhooks, direct connect wires for MP3 players and the like, batteries and the charger, the dry aid case for storage, and the color covers I'd chosen. Then she connected my speech processor, which is the mini computer that hangs behind my ear, and the headpiece, which attaches magnetically to the side of my head and transmits the signals to the implant under my skin. The problem with the headpiece was that the magnet that came with the piece was too weak and wouldn't stay in place. So, she tried the next strongest magnet and that didn't hold either. So, the third magnet finally held, but I'll have to be careful that it doesn't create an irritation on my scalp that could provoke other problems.

We started with setting comfortable volume levels of beeps in the different frequencies served by the electrodes in the array. Day 1 actually grouped the 16 electrodes into 4 groups of 4 as the first step in finding a starting place for my hearing. After that, Rachel turned on the speech processor so that I could "hear"; that is what is captured on the YouTube video linked here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67cvw9McwIg Rachel said numbers, hiding her mouth from my view, and I repeated what I heard. I got about 6 out of 10 correct, but everything sounded like Alvin and the Chipmunks. I could distinguish between a man's voice and a woman's voice, and when an associate knocked on the door, I could hear it. Rachel said that these were encouraging signs that I was off to a good start, since my hearing loss was so recent. After answering our questions and showing us how to charge the batteries, Rachel sent us off for the day to practice listening and getting used to the processor.

In the car on the way home, we started with music on the radio to see how that sounded. Honestly, it sounded like a water fountain or a rushing stream, but when drumbeats were obvious, I could hear the difference between the beats, and the instruments and voices, even though nothing had a nice tone to it. Then we switched to talk radio to see how much of that I could pick up. Occasional words or phrases and several numbers were clear, but everything else was just chipmunk mumbo-jumbo. We stopped at a rest stop and attempted phone calls to our parents and our daughter in Senegal to give them the good news of my hearing success so far. I could understand some, others not. It's the same with lip-reading; some people are easier to understand for some reason. Part of it is talking a little slower and more intentionally with a deaf person, so they can catch all the sounds that might otherwise run together.

It was hard to pull out Tom's voice from the radio voices, and I found that I was still very dependent on the visual cues to understand him, but we were actually having a conversation without paper and pen or computer. This was worth celebrating, and we did; at Applebee's for lunch. At home, we tried to plug into my new MP3 player that Tom bought for me, but we couldn't seem to get it going. The rest of the day, I enjoyed talking with everyone possible trying out my new "toy".

Friday morning, we went back down to Ann Arbor for another 8:00 am mapping session, but this time, Rachel played with the individual electrode levels and trying a couple of different program settings. Then we went into the sound booth to see how well I was doing compared to my pre-implant results. First, she tested to see at what decibel level I could hear different frequencies. Pre-implant, I tested between 75-85 decibels, but today, I was between 20-30db across the board. Normal levels are 10-20 db, so I was just under normal. Then she tested my speech recognition in the sound booth listening to a man on a cd say simple sentences. Pre-implant with a loaner hearing aid, I tested at about 12%, but today I was at 70% ! This is just one day after getting my implant activated! What a great answer to many prayers for my hearing success.

We got the MP3 player working and I could pick out the rhythms of some familiar songs Tom had loaded on for me. Everyone still sounds like chipmunks. Rachel is sure that by my next appointment on Wednesday next week, I'll probably have changed significantly again. This is a process of actually training the auditory nerve to receive impulses again, but this time from a man-made source simulating what God created to happen deep inside our hearing apparatus. Then the brain takes the signals from the auditory nerve and makes sense of the "sound". Now I have to train my brain to make sense of these new impulses, so "practice, practice, practice" is the name of the game.

I tried playing some notes on the piano and could tell the differences in the notes as I went up and down the keyboard, but I wouldn't want to sing in church, yet! I tried the phone again today with little success, but one of these days, I'll be surprised by what I who I can talk to. The speech processor is heavy on my ear and causes some discomfort by the end of the day, but I bought some moleskin cushioning designed for feet comfort and that seems to help.

So, each day will be an exciting adventure in seeing what changes happen in my hearing, and in being able to connect with people again in a meaningful way. Caleb keeps saying how thankful he is that I can hear again. We all are thankful, I'm sure, and my abilities to connect with people will be put to the test right away as we begin a 5-day missions conference, where we are scheduled to speak and participate in classes, small group home meetings, meals in homes and restaurants, and meeting folks at our display. This would be totally overwhelming being deaf, as these are difficult hearing situations. It'll be a challenge to hear through the background noise in restaurants and lobbies, but I'm so excited to give it a try and hope it gives me some of that practice.

Road Repairs

2008-10-05T17:07:00.002-04:00

This blog posting has nothing to do with deafness or cochlear implants, or the beauty of the morning, or my family or work. I just want to express my pet peeves about the condition of the roads around here, completely ignoring my past experiences on Malian roads which are many times worse, and realizing that I really should be appreciative for the work the road crews do to improve things.

However, Lansing road repair crews just finished doing a stretch of downtown highway patches at regular intervals that were sort of like seam expansions. In other words, they took where there was one crack and made it two with a new patch of concrete in the middle. Then they "caulked" the new seams with a black tar material to, I assume, weather proof the new seam from water and impact damage. What bugs me most about this is that you can see where the caulking is not on the crack. Is this because: 1) the workers who apply it can't see well enough or follow a straight line?, 2) the caulking moves after it's been applied, by wind or water, in which case, what good is it?, 3) they allowed people to drive on it too soon and the tires moved the caulking? (except that it's not squished flat...). I don't know what happens there, but it obviously is not weather-proofed anymore so the repairs won't last very long. Wouldn't it behoove the crews to do more careful work? Perhaps they should hire "perfectionists" who can fill in a crack completely.

And then there's the holes, grooves, crumbling asphalt, and crevasses that just need a bit of fill-in asphalt to make the roadway smoother and prevent further damage for the time being. I think the Department of Transportation ought to have on the payroll a three-man workcrew in an asphalt truck, just driving the streets and roadways of town, filling in the holes as they go. One guy drives, one guy puts out the orange safety cones, and one guy shovels the asphalt and pats it down. How hard would that be? It would protect some of the road edges and corners that get progressively torn up and would delay major repaving projects for years. It would also make for smoother and safer surfaces for cars and bikes to drive on.

Some of the holes and crevasses I've driven over are simply annoying, some are a potential damage-causer to my undercarriage or tires, but some are downright dangerous to the growing motorcycle and scooter population. Their tire base is not as large to absorb the impact and it's easier to get "thrown" by a good-sized crack.

I know I'm no expert in construction materials or methods. I'm just a driver who tries to swerve carefully and avoid damage to my vehicle, but I can blog my complaints here and see who else agrees...

Morning Walks of Beauty

2008-09-27T18:31:00.003-04:00

I have been enjoying morning walks this last week, and discovered the joy of looking for something special every day for which to thank my Creator. Since I walk my youngest son to his bus stop in the morning anyway, I decided to make this my exercise routine while the weather is nice. I wave goodbye to him, and off I go on a loop of one sort or another, trying out new paths or venturing down unknown roads, scanning the houses as I go, and looking for interesting birds, deer, squirrels at work or play, or other signs of "life". While my walks so far are in complete silence, making me all the more alert to traffic and the goings-on around me, I look ahead two weeks to when my cochlear implant will be activated for sound, and my walks will take on a whole new dimension.

One day this week, Caleb and I remarked at the huge, orange, full morning moon rising in the sky. Another day, we felt almost criminal walking across the red leaf carpet laid before us on the sidewalk under a small maple tree that looked to us like the flame on a candle. Each leaf had brilliant color and texture in the yellow and green veins of the leaf. We keep trying to collect the most beautiful ones, and give them to each other as a love gift, but by the end of the day, they are withered and dry, and have lost their beauty.

Another day, as I was walking along with the road on my right and a swampy area on my left, I noticed at my feet a little black and brown fuzzy caterpillar about the cross the road. At first, I kept walking. And then I thought that I'd like to bring the little guy home and show the boys after school. So, I went back and picked him up and carried him home. I grabbed a clear plastic deli container and ripped some grass out from the cracks in the driveway (it needed to come out anyway!) and made a temporary home for him. Caleb enjoyed him and helped me release him the next day, mentioning that he hoped some bird didn't swoop down and eat him.

I've seen Blue Jays and Cardinals this week, which we should enjoy during the winter months, too. And I saw my first "V" formation of geese migrating South for the winter. All of these wonderful things cause my heart to sing in praise and worship for the God who not only made them, but made me as well. Have you gone a morning walk lately?

Last update on surgery recovery

2008-09-16T19:48:00.002-04:00

Well, tomorrow will be one week since I had my implant surgery, and today I went without any pain meds. at all. I'm pleased with the progress, and have resumed driving and real light exercise (no sweat yet!). I'm trying to keep the steri-strips in place until my post-op check-up with Dr. Telian on the 23rd, but if they come off before then, I won't be too bothered. They are a little annoying, but serve to keep things clean from infection, so I put up with it.

My activation dates are now set with the audiologist: October 9th & 10th. The first day they give me the external speech processor to attach by magnet to the implant on the other side of my skin. The audiologist will take me through a series of beeps to set real basic volume comfort levels at various frequencies and pitches. The next day, I will come back for a more complete "mapping" session to set specific programming in place on the various program slots available for my use on the speech processor. Then I'll go home for a week and try it all out in different listening situations. I'll also start working on listening exercises, and reading and listening to unabridged audio books for more listening practice.

This morning while walking with Caleb to his bus stop, he asked me, "Mom, why don't you home-school me this year?" I told him that I have my own homework in having surgery and rehabilitation to get my hearing back so we can return to our work in Africa next year. Plus, he needs to make friends and have fun at school. I got the impression that he was a little down this morning, and he asked if I could pick him up from school rather than have to ride the bus home. Just then, we saw a little mouse hopping across the grass, and we were delighted by the creature. We told him he better stay outside; no-one wanted him inside their house.

We kept walking to the bus stop, and Caleb saw a deer in the back yard of the house across the street. I told him that God was giving him a little gift this morning to cheer him up; He was sharing His creation with us to say, "See, Caleb, I love you today!" And then we saw two more deer feeding under a fruit tree nearby. Many cars were whipping by on the road, never seeing what was mere feet from their windows, but Caleb and I had the pleasure of savoring these beautiful animals before the bus pulled up.

Aren't those the kind of moments to treasure for a lifetime? I'm so glad Caleb has worked hard at being able to communicate with me, even in my deafness. We really enjoy each other's company, and when I need a buddy to go somewhere with me, he's usually "game".

I told my other son, Ben, this afternoon, that when I get activated, he's one of the first people I want to sit down and have a conversation with. I miss him and not being able to have a "heart-to-heart" with this tender one. I also miss just hanging out with my husband, and he with me, so we'll have to plan some fun "together" time to make us for a few lost months. We have a required trip to Denver in January at mission HQ, so we're considering taking the train out there and getting a sleeping compartment and making a fun adventure out of it. Better than trying to drive out there in the middle of winter, and who knows how expensive or risky air travel will be then, so I think the train is a good option.

Anyone done train travel lately and want to share their experience?

The Day After Surgery

2008-09-11T18:32:00.005-04:00

So, yesterday, I came home and updated this blog, Facebook, answered e-mails, and chatted with some family before I called it a night. Today, I'm wiped out in the recliner, taking it easy and enjoying the pampering. Trying to get by on Tylenol for pain, but I'll probably open the Vicodin for sleeping tonight.

My medical and cochlear implant friends will want to see the incision pictures after removal of the headwrap, so here they are. Unfortunately for the very curious, the steri-strips cover the stitches, and have to stay on for 2 weeks until I go back to the surgeon for a check-up on my recovery. By then, the dissolvable stitches should be gone, and I'll be getting impatient for the activation in another 2 weeks. This is quite a process to hear again, but it will all be worth it, I'm sure.

Cochlear Implant Surgery a Success, so far

2008-09-10T19:25:00.008-04:00

Today was the big day for me; I had my cochlear implant surgery and all went well, according to the surgeon. But let me go back a couple of days to share the total experience...

I have been encouraged by other cochlear implantees to allow myself to be pampered and treated like a queen while recovering from surgery. And after reading the experiences of some who had facial or taste nerves cut or damaged during surgery, I decided that I was going to start the "queen treatment" a bit early, so in case I ended up being a worst-case scenario, I would have good memories to think back on. Also, I wanted to take my mind off of any anxious forethoughts, and celebrate the hope with my loved ones as I went into this first step toward returning to the hearing world.

So, on Monday night, I convinced my loving husband to take me out for all-you-can-eat shrimp at Red Lobster. We had Shrimp Scampi, Linguine Shrimp Alfredo, Cajun Shrimp, Hand-battered Shrimp, and Coconut Shrimp bites. Oh man, are you hungry yet? That was so good.

Then, when we found out that I had to be at the surgical center at 6:15 am on Wednesday and it's a 1.5 hour trip to Ann Arbor, I convinced my mom, who was driving me down for surgery, that we should leave on Tuesday and enjoy some of the sights of Ann Arbor that we'd never explored. When all you know about Ann Arbor is the University of Michigan Hospital and the audiologist's office near the mall, you know you're missing something.

So, I'd heard about Zingerman's Delicatessen and how it's "the best deli outside of New York City", so we decided to eat lunch there and enjoy looking around at all their imported foodstuffs and bakery, and then go on to Trader Joe's not far from our hotel. We had a great afternoon eating ourselves to the point of discomfort before I had to start fasting at midnight. By the way, Zingerman's does a brisk on-line business apparently, and I can attest to the fact that their food was DELICIOUS! Check out zingermans.com.

So, we got up early, arrived at the surgical center, were taken back for prepping, and wheeled away for surgery. Here's a picture before I was drugged unconscious.

The next thing I knew, I was being awakened, and told that the surgery was a "textbook case" and all went well. No nerve lines cut, and no other complications; in fact I was a best-case scenario, so far. The surgery was from 7:30-11:30, and I was released by 12:45pm to head home. Here's a picture of me after surgery, with my lovely turban headwrap on. Won't my African friends think this is quite attractive? I get to take it off tomorrow and see what's hiding underneath.

We stopped at Panera's for soup and Iced Green Tea on the way home. I wasn't feeling dizzy or nauseated, just a little embarrassed for my appearance. Then we were home by 2:30, and I felt good; energy to write blogs and e-mails, with a little help from my friendly Vicodin pill, I'm sure. By the way, have you noticed a theme here, with food? I like to eat.

So, there you have the surgery day update. My doctor said that I should be hearing again by Halloween. Of course, I have to recover, let the swelling go down, get the external pieces to make the implant work and get it programmed for sound three times before then, but I think the worst is over, now. We'll see how I feel tomorrow and the next day...

Thanks to all my prayer warriors for a busy, rewarding day of answered prayer. Keep up the good work!

First Week of School - The Ups and Downs

2008-09-05T21:06:00.006-04:00

Our daughter left for school a few weeks ago and is doing well. But this week, our two sons started public school and there have been a few memorable moments. Ben, the oldest, went to Kindergarten in Wheaton, Illinois, and did 2nd grade in French public school in Quebec, Canada, but otherwise, he's been home-schooled. He started this week in Middle School - 7th grade, and is learning quickly about staying organized and lugging a huge backpack back and forth to school on his bike.

He started the first day on the school bus, but we discovered that he should have taken a different bus at a different stop; and getting home he got confused, so he ended up at one of the elementary schools and called us to come and pick him up. After that, he said he'd ride his bike for now. He forgot to make a sandwich for his lunch, so he came home starved. The second day he decided he'd try the school's hot lunch program, so I gave him $3 to pay in cash, since we hadn't yet gotten onto the on-line Lunchdeposit.com to fill up his Meal Magic account. It's like a pre-paid credit system in the lunchroom where you can make deposits from your credit card. Ben hadn't memorized his Meal Magic # yet and was too scared to ask about it all, so he skipped eating on the 2nd day. The third day he got his lock and locker assignment, but when he came home that afternoon, Tom had to go back over to the school to help him figure out why he couldn't work the lock. I laugh because this is all the stuff of future bad dreams, for the rest of his life. Do you still have dreams about not finding your classroom, or forgetting you had a test that day, or losing your class schedule? I do.

Caleb, our youngest, started 3rd grade this week. He's only been home-schooled in Africa, so this was big stuff for him. He was very upset about the whole bus situation the night before school started because we could see by the published schedule that he'd take one bus to Murphy School in the morning and then transfer to the bus that would take him to his school, Ralya. In the afternoon, he'd take a different number bus to Wilkshire School and transfer to the bus that would bring him home. Two transers, three different locations, for a kid who hadn't yet memorized his address or phone number, and didn't know anyone in the system.

I walked him out to the bus, loaded with a card to read for all his connections as I understood them, but also with his vital information in case someone needed to know where he lived to direct him properly. Tom and I "stalked" his busses all the way to Ralya that first day to make sure he made the transfer okay. On the way home, someone directed him to the wrong transfer bus and he rode all over town on the wrong bus. When it was nearly an hour and a half after I knew his school let out, I told my husband that we needed to go find him, he must be lost somewhere. So, off we went, instructing Ben to be the point man at the house. We went to the transfer spot, Murphy, and asked if there were any straggler bus kids hanging around. The staffer there started making phone calls to Ralya and then the bus garage, and they had Caleb there and would bring him to us at Murphy. Poor kid; just what he'd worried about. But he didn't seem too traumatized when he arrived, and the drivers apologized for the mix-up, so the next day, we tried the busses again. His first driver apparently heard of the mix-up and wondered why Caleb hadn't been on his home-bound bus the night before, so he assured me that they'd get it straight that night. Which, thankfully they did, and all is now well on the busses.

However, poor Caleb is so clueless about how school works, and the rhythm of the day, that the first day he didn't know to bring his lunch from the classroom to the cafeteria, so they had to give him a hot lunch. I don't know if they thought his delinquent parents didn't even pack this kid a lunch, or what, but I know we had a whole teaching session at home about what constitutes a healthy lunch and what the options were in the fridge and cupboard. So, he brought back his warm Go-gourt and smooshed PB&J and said they gave him a free lunch! The next day his teacher sent me a note to let me know that he'd assigned some older kids to Caleb to "show him the ropes"; I can only assume that means that he's still trying to figure it all out.

But I'm so proud of my kids, all of them. They are showing tremendous courage under the circumstances, and I know it's not easy for them to have a deaf mom. But they've been so great about repeating and air spelling words for me, or playing charades to help me understand what they're saying. They've really had a good attitude about all of the adjustments they've been required to make these last few months.

This next week will be a challenge for us all as I have my cochlear implant surgery in Ann Arbor on Wednesday. Tom will stay with the boys while my mom takes me down for the outpatient procedure. We talked today about going down a day early, in case my surgery is early morning, so we don't have to get up too early on the day of and be wiped out before we ever get started. There are some interesting shops we haven't visited yet, so we might make a girls' day of it Tuesday and take my mind off the surgery the next day.

I hope to post pictures of my incision for those who are interested here. I know it's sounds gory and is a bit, but other implantees understand the interest in these things: how long the incision?; how much hair did they shave?; how did they close--with staples, stitches, or glue?; how ugly the turban bandage afterwards?; you know...the comparisons to their experience. I'll try to post a surgery update as soon as I'm able. In the meantime, I'd appreciate all prayers for a successful implantation and quick recovery. Thank you, my friends.

Politics - I'm venturing into deep waters, here.

2008-08-30T22:00:00.003-04:00

Now that I'm registered to vote in my new location, I thought I'd better start doing my research on the candidates, beyond the annoying t.v. commercials I don't pay much attention to...
So, I kept half an eye on the Democratic Convention last week, and read some articles on each candidate, feeling pretty torn between Obama and McCain. I must be one of those swing vote independents that is a valuable target right now in the campaigning efforts.

Having lived overseas for a number of years, I know that cultural differences play an important role in people and countries understanding each other and effectively communicating with each other. Someone with little cross-cultural experience will have a hard time with international concerns and will need to depend on their State Dept. advisors for issues dealing with foreign wars and peace-keeping efforts. Principles regarding Democracy and freedom, for example, are very important to the United States, but respect and interdependence are more important, perhaps, in a clan-oriented society. When we (Americans) go blazing into a country with our anti-terrorism ideals, we have to present them in a way in which they will be accepted and integrated if we want to see real, long-term change. But is that our responsibility?! To change other societies?

So, Obama's lack of cross-cultural experience could make him vulnerable to mistakes of miscommunication of ideals or to an assumption of motivations not really there on another country's part. McCain's so-called "temper" or "prickly" interpersonal dynamic might add to tensions, but he does have many year's experience dealing with foreign nations and non-American ideals.

Obama's age and "color" are certainly exciting to think about breaking historical "boxes" put on the position of President of the U.S., but there's so much we don't know about his past and his former associations. And his job record is certainly lacking in real-life work experience, but he's obviously been able to work with the resources available to him to get where he is, so I don't think it's necessary to have worked at McDonalds, for example, to prove you can follow instructions or be a valuable team member. It certainly helped him to add Joe Biden to his ticket if he was wanting to add experience to his "tool chest" of advisors and resources.

But, honestly, I'm a pro-lifer, who wants to see the value of human life honored in every stage of life. I don't believe that a woman has the right to be promiscuous and then kill a life she didn't want, but was too irresponsible to prevent. We all have consequences to our actions, but my consequences should not lead to murdering someone else. But don't label me yet or box me into a certain corner...

I also believe that we should be good stewards of the Earth God created, and I'm all for wind and solar energy options. After Chernobyl, I'm not so excited about nuclear power plants. All you have to do is look at our crumbling infrastructure and you can get nervous about having nuclear power plants spread around our country. And how about hydroelectric options? Can't we turn some of this flooding doom and gloom into a positive resource? Is it an engineering possibility to make levees also be hydro power sources?

On the environmental issue, I was looking at pictures of strip-mined German landscape the other day and wondered why we don't make mining companies repair like tree-planters in Canada, where they have to turn around and replant what they chopped down to restore the land and prepare for the future? My husband tried tree-planting one Summer before we got married. He didn't do so well with it, but his buddy tree-planted every Summer to pay his way through college.

Anyway, back to the politicians...I happened to be working in the kitchen the morning that Sarah Palin was announced as McCain's running mate, and I was very interested in his choice. I must say that I'm favorably interested in seeing how her assets play out in the media, and the "box-breaking" excitement is there, too. Being a mother of 5 children and working in government already says something to me about her ability to MULTI-TASK successfully. And she's been effective at being a help-mate to her husband, by going out and helping in his fishing business, and cheering on her kids' educators on the PTO, was it? She's been applauded and promoted at every opportunity, so she must be the kind of person people not only want to have around, but want leading them. Granted, her learning curve going to Washington, DC, will be huge, but somehow, given a little grace, I think she can handle it.

So, McCain's gamble has impressed me, a 41-year-old religious wife and mother; and I will be hoping and praying for Mrs. Palin's successful entry into the vicious world of national and international politics and media coverage. On the topic of modern communications and media, McCain doesn't use e-mail, but I'm guessing that Mrs. Palin is more computer- and cyber-savvy. Do you think she's on Facebook??

Pets and disabilities

2008-08-22T11:36:00.005-04:00

The other day, I took my youngest to the park and beach near our house for a little afternoon swimming as we near the end of Summer. And lovely surprise, it was the Humane Society's "Adopt a Pet" day. They had cats and dogs for sale, in cages or tied to trees for us to touch and talk to.

You see, we're in pet withdrawal living at Grandma's house for the Summer and this next school year, while I have surgery and do rehabilitation for my hearing. At our house in Africa, we have 2 cats and 2 dogs, all of which are female, so we have a regular rotation of kittens and puppies to enjoy. We love it and never have trouble finding people to give them away to. Cats are great for keeping the mice population to a minimum, and dogs are great guards. The problem out there is that we don't have great vets; they're used to treating donkeys, sheep, and cows. Who in their right mind would put money into vaccinations or care for a dog or a cat?! Most of our neighbors think we're a little nutty to feed our animals the same that they eat everyday, and that we pet them and play with them.

Another problem with keeping pets out there is that they sometimes get killed by snakebite, or people looking for free meat for their evening meal. We've had cats wander off, never to return, and our friends say that certain people groups have no problem with setting traps and eating them. I don't think they noticed the cat collars...

So, we have to keep our pets with a bit of an "open hand" mentality; don't get too attached to them, but enjoy them while you have them. So, we enjoyed the Humane Society's offerings for a few minutes, realizing that we couldn't take on a pet at this time.

And then on the way home, I saw a mostly blind neighbor lady out for a walk with her assistive dog, and it made me think about some recent conversations I've had with other deaf people about the benefits of having a disability dog. Of course, I'd love to use my deafness as an excuse to get a pet, but then we'd have to move out of Grandma's house.

But I pondered the problem of what a blind person does when out for a walk with their dog and the dog, umm, moves its bowels. Up and down the street are signs saying, "Leave only footprints", implying that pet owners must clean up their dog's leavings. But how would a blind person be able to do that with any amount of self-dignity? Perhaps you'd know the rhythm of your dog and sense that it had paused to do it's thing, but would you be bending over, feeling around for the warm, smelly pile? This must be terribly embarrassing, and it gives me a new compassion for the challenges of disabled people, especially now that I am one.

I have enjoyed beautiful bike rides this Summer, now that I've gotten the courage to go out and not fear traffic so much. You have to learn how to use the crossing signals and be very alert. But my deaf challenges and embarrassments have to do with trying to enter conversations with people. I want to follow what they're saying, but get bored with just standing there smiling while hubby does all the talking. I miss the jokes; I miss the details. Once in awhile I think I've followed it and have some witty story to tell, and afterwards realize that they are being polite at trying to figure out what that has to do with it... and then the pity smile.

I know that even when I was a hearing person, sometimes I couldn't think of a thing to say, or that no witty comebacks were forthcoming in certain situations, and I'd be embarrassed at my lack of social synchronization, but generally I felt I could be me. Being deaf certainly takes that away, and is one of my challenges that I'm hoping to overcome with my cochlear implant. I just need to remember that hearing or deaf, or whatever a person's personal challenges might be, we all have them, and we need to have respect for each other and have compassion in those embarrassing times.

Chat rooms and listening

2008-08-15T23:02:00.004-04:00

I'm new to chat rooms and forums, but I have the sense that with so many groups and interests available out there, when you're in a chat room, there's a specific reason why "you", collectively, have assembled. There's a topic to discuss, or an interest in common. Perhaps there are people with lots of time on their hands and nowhere else to go, so they wander aimlessly in and out of chat rooms looking for conversation about whatever. But I don't think that's most people.

You're there to meet other people who share a part of who you are. No two people are exactly the same, but there are many ways that your interests can cross with my interests in a common connection at a certain moment in time in a certain place. So we chat and see what we can learn, or share, or be entertained by, for that passage of time together. Or maybe, we just get to know each other better because we learned that we have something in common and can have fun with it.

Last night, I was in a chat room where one person got offended by others' religious comments. He felt that he wasn't being listened to about his concerns, and that perhaps some were "preaching" and not dealing with the common issue at hand. He couldn't understand the worldview that several people had in common that God is in control of their lives, and allows bad things to happen sometimes, to refine their character or help them to become useful to others with a similar problem because they've "been there".

He couldn't even entertain the idea that God could allow difficult circumstances. So he "stormed out" of the room, and those left behind felt really bad that he'd quit listening as well. They had made efforts to apologize and clear the air, but he'd already closed his mind and heart to everyone there. He was in that chat room for one common interest, but felt left out when several others discovered they had another common interest that he didn't share or want to entertain. At least that was how I saw it. I'm sure his story is much more complicated than that, but it helped me to see a few things about chatting.

When there are too many active participants, the chatter goes fast and it's hard to keep up with reading what's whipping by and still add relevant comments. Emotions flare and then things get said and responded to at different paces, so misunderstandings happen because one person types faster or someone else's post arrives quicker. And then it's hard to retract the misunderstanding because you're not face to face to resolve it with body language or a smile.

Also, people should try to more or less stick to the issue at hand. Personal experiences can and should be shared if they're relevant, but more personal sharing is better done one-to-one in an email context or IM mode. If the topic is of a technical nature, and someone is sharing a deep emotional issue, everyone gets derailed with either wanting to help the hurting person, or feeling that someone is commandeering the discussion away from the topic they have come to discuss.

There is certainly a variety of people that arrive in a chat room, and to have a meaningful discussion you need various people's input. But that can become an issue as well, because you want to keep people in, so you have to be touching them all in some way, or they get bored and leave, and the discussion is over. But when the variety is either too wide a demographic, or too wide of discussion topics, someone will realize that it is not worth their time.

So, I'll continue to watch and learn how chat rooms work. And if I see that guy again, I'll try to build a bridge of understanding with him and hope he'll come back next time, and be ready to give and take as the discussion unfolds. Because we're all the better when we take time to really listen. Am I listening to myself??

It's a new blogsite; welcome to my scene!

2008-08-12T18:02:00.000-04:00

This is my place to record what I'm thinking about. And if you care to read it, you're welcome here. I'm new at blogging, and still getting up to speed on the world of computer literacy, since I've lived many of the last 15 years in a third-world country. But I enjoy musing about life, philosophy, cultures, God, family, deafness, and whatever I'm working through at the time.

Do you ever have wild, random thoughts that could be moments of greatness or moments of complete embarrassment? I do, and thankfully I've learned how to laugh at myself (most of the time) and I'm married to someone who doesn't mind entertaining my wild ideas; he gets them once in awhile himself! So if I'm brave enough to post them here, you may see them. I think blogging takes great courage to expose yourself to whoever; they may laugh or be critical and there you are, just hanging out there for the world to see.

I suppose my biggest fault (well, one of them anyway) is being too concerned about what people think of me. I've always been that way, though it's not a debilitating problem, just something I think about before I speak or act. Which is sometimes good, because it saves other people's feelings, but it's sometimes bad because I don't express ME. So, this blog is an effort to discover and express myself in an honest way. I hope you like it...: )