I'm speaking in Wheaton, IL, Dec 7, 2010

Here's an invitation to ladies in the Chicagoland area to come hear me speak at the First Baptist Church of Wheaton, Illinois, on Tuesday morning, December 7th. It's the women's ministries' Christmas Brunch, and I'll be talking about hearing loss and the sounds of Christmas. The brunch starts at 9:15 with food first, a few Christmas songs by the toddlers of the group, and then I'll be at the mic around 10:30, until 11:10 or so.

If you'd like to come, please let me know so the hostesses can have a chair ready for you. They have a rough idea of how many regulars might show up, but they'll want to have extra seating available and food too, if needed for visitors. Thanks, and I'll be available afterward to meet anyone interested in hearing more about my story, my faith, or cochlear implants, as you wish.

My cover article in Hearing Loss magazine

I'm excited to announce that my story is the cover article on the November/December 2010 issue of Hearing Loss magazine. I was asked to write about my own hearing loss, and how I've coped with the resulting issues and solutions. I was impressed that no editing was done to remove my faith testimony, and lots of pictures of my family and my work in Mali were showcased. What a fun way to share my story of hope, and my success with cochlear implants.

I hope that anyone interested in overseas missions might consider researching the opportunities to serve with WorldVenture, or donating to help our work through the WorldVenture website: http://www.worldventure.com/Missionaries/Missionary-Directory/Missionary/Seward_Tom_Lisa.html

For regular updates on our work and family, go to http://www.tomseward.com/ .

Thanks to Cindy Dyer for pulling the story together and taking the cover shots. Thanks, also, to Jim Adams, for some of the family shots on the collage. Thanks to my family, particularly my good hubby, Tom, for his patience and love throughout this journey. And thanks most of all, to my Lord for His help, strength, wisdom and hope for each day.

Missing Information

The obvious problem with hearing loss is that you miss information.

Deaf babies miss the auditory stimulus to begin differentiating sounds and trying them out with their own mouth and tongue. Deaf children cruise on past the prime time for natural language learning, and if they haven't been taught some way of communicating, they miss the relational interaction that helps to socialize and inform them as they develop. Deaf adolescents may continue to have socialization problems and also vocational challenges if they haven't been helped to be functional in an increasingly information-centered world. And late-deafened adults (that's me) become increasingly isolated from the functioning world if they can't find ways to share and receive information about their friends, family, work expectations; you can see the problems here.

Often, a deaf or blind person doesn't even know they've missed some bit of information. If we know we missed something, we can ask for a repeat, but when we don't know, we just continue on with life as we know it. This picture from a couple of years ago is of Tom and me with our friend, Aminata, who is illiterate and having eye problems. She misses a lot of information about the world and things she's interested in because she can't read. She's also vulnerable because she's easily taken advantage of when she doesn't know about necessary documents to sign or requirements for enrolling her kids in school.

There are lots of news stories that I miss every day. When I'm overseas, I must say that I don't actually miss the scare stories, the product recalls, the election ads, the tele-marketers and infomercials. But there are things that I wish I knew sooner when I finally do hear about them, like some new technology or way of doing something that makes life safer or healthier.

Recently, I was reading a discussion on the Facebook wall of a new FB friend who is an atheist, about how no one has the right to push their beliefs on someone else. Being the missionary that I am, this of course, caught my attention. While I agree that no one has the right to forcibly coerce someone to proclaim an allegiance that is ingenuine (Christianity, Islam, Judaism, etc... all have their historical moments of using force and violence to acquire this among their neighbors and "enemies"), it is not true that we don't have the right to share our beliefs openly and honestly with others. I know of people who are so grateful that they heard a different story than the only one to which they had ever been exposed.

It's like the information problem for deaf people, but really everyone. If you don't have access to the internet, newspapers or magazines, or the outside world, you have no opportunity to learn about other belief systems or ways of doing things that might be better than the only way you know. Not that I'm advocating forcing modernity on primitive peoples (yes, there are still some out there untouched by the modern world), but how can anyone learn and make personal decisions if they have no input?

I think it's only fair and humane to share my beliefs if someone is interested, because they might decide to agree with me if they have the chance to know about it. I'm not going to go around beating people over the heads for the chance to share with them. I'm also not going to bribe them with gifts and resources from America, because that would be just as ingenuine as violent coersion. But I know that there are people wanting to know what else is out there, and as far as belief systems go, I tell them that I follow Jesus Christ and his gospel as revealed in the Bible. And I try to live that Gospel out in my life; "walk the talk" as they say.

(By the way, for all my hearing loss friends, watch your mailboxes for the new issue of Hearing Loss Magazine; you'll see a surprise there. If you have hearing loss but aren't a member of the Hearing Loss Association of America, you might want to consider it by checking out their website: http://www.hearingloss.org/ )

Connections with People

Connections are what life on this planet is all about, don't you think? Connections with God, family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, pets, on-line strangers and so on. We're all forming our personalized web of connections, or relationships, and that web changes every day. It's like a spider web blowing in a breeze, that gives and takes a little, sometimes detaching one silky strand from it's anchor when the tension gets too strong.

Social networking is an exciting, but ever-changing way of bringing some of those connections to life and keeping them stronger. I've personally recruited many of my friends and acquaintances to Facebook, but as the novelty is wearing off, those who aren't serious about getting on-line for anything more than emails have "dead" profiles. Personally, I think they're the ones to lose out on the fun and satisfaction of new, renewed, and closer relationships with people, but I understand being swamped with life and new technology. It's hard to keep up.

But while I was jogging yesterday morning, I passed a sign that alerted drivers to an area with a "hearing impaired child". I immediately wanted to know where this family was and what was the child's situation. I thought there might be a way I could help them understand cochlear implants if that was an option for them. I didn't even know these people, but because of a shared challenge, I felt connected to them in some way.

Just last week at a training seminar for youth workers, the speaker introduced himself and told us about his wife and three kids, the youngest of whom was born deaf. During the coffee break, I met him and told him of my deafness and the solution that bionic ears have been for me. I encouraged him to pursue his research in that area as quickly as possible, since his 5-year-old is already reaching the post-lingual stage of language development where adaptation to C.I.s becomes more challenging, needing speech therapy. I don't know whether he'll follow up on the contact information I gave him or not, but after that, I knew we'd connected on a different level.

Last year, I received an email introducing me to a Ugandan family whose daughter was also born deaf. The couple had contacts with missionaries who were friends of ours. They told this couple about cochlear implants and my experience, and shortly thereafter, a travelling medical team gave them a contact Stateside for hearing evaluation with someone they knew who performed cochlear implant surgery. I recently received an email letting me know that the little girl has just been implanted in Massachusetts, courtesy of the Christian surgeon who had compassion for their case.

I wonder that the more areas in our lives where we've been touched by tragedy and struggle make us better able to connect to people struggling with the same. In that way, it's a blessing to persevere through the struggle, knowing that later on, you might be able to make someone else's journey a little easier.

I know there are also times when you've reached the other side of the struggle, or perhaps the struggle continues indefinitely, but you don't want to be reminded of it in your life, so it's better to pull away and detach. Someone close to me who had breast cancer 5 years ago is not at all interested in marching in 5Ks to raise awareness of cancer. The big "C" is something she has survived at the moment, and doesn't want her life consumed by worrying about it or meeting other people who are in that struggle. To some this might seem selfish, but to her it's mental self-preservation.

Now with a hearing challenge, it's easier to play shy and "keep to myself" if I'm not sure that I'll have anything useful to say or if I lack the courage to put myself out there. But there are times when I know I'm being led to take a step out toward making a connection with someone, and I'm rarely disappointed that I followed it. While some people are intimidating to approach, I think everyone is looking for connections in this world. May they be increasingly positive and grace-filled.

(By the way, this photo was of the boys and me heading to Michigan for Grammy Maire's funeral 2 weeks ago; a temporarily broken connection which I look forward to renewing someday.)

It's the end of the school year. I'm finishing home-schooling my 4th grader and trying to wrap up a very brief overview of the Civil War. We've just "closed" our village house and tied up all the loose ends that we could with our house helpers and ministry co-workers in Mali, as we head to the States for this next school year. We've stopped in Dakar, Senegal, where our two older children attend school, for the end-of-the-year activities associated with a graduating senior.

And so here I sit in the dark, writing off my computer battery as we live through another power outage and try to make sense of where the flashlights are, but also, where to focus our scattered thoughts and emotions.

My first-born baby is graduating from high school next week. She's getting ready to go off to college, after spending the last five years in Africa. She doesn't have a driver's license yet or a bank account. However, she's not so far behind in American culture as you might expect since she visited "home" a couple of times when we were there for my medical leave and cochlear implantation process. Plus, with internet connections and Facebook friends all over the world, one does not have to live a cloistered life anymore, even in a Third-World country.

So, we have a quick Summer ahead trying to get her "up to speed" on as much as we can before school starts on August 25th. With weddings and travel, doctor's appointments and car shopping, MK Transition Seminars and public school enrollment for the boys, we have a lot to think about in the next three months. Oh yeah, we also have a family-favorite vacation, Cornerstone Music Festival, and I'm attending the Hearing Loss Association of America convention for a day in Milwaukee in June. Did I mention that we have to go through our belongings stored in our trailer and move into our housing for the year before school starts?

But, for this next week or so, we are the proud parents of a sweet, beautiful, loving daughter who is so excited that we can be part of her boarding school life as she graduates. We spent this afternoon looking through her life in pictures, lovingly scanned and stored on 2 disks by her dad, picking out 30-40 of the best representative shots from various ages and locations, for her to choose 15 for a Senior Poster for the Reception. That brought lots of good memories, and only a couple of groans.

Later this week, we get to attend the formal banquet with her and her date and his parents. This should be an interesting time as well, as the seniors are honored by the junior class. Sunday morning's worship service next week will be Senior Sunday, where various class members have opportunity to lead singing and give testimonies. Hilary will be giving her own testimony in the dorm tomorrow night, so I'm not sure she'll do it in the big group next week, but it's a good chance for the students to formulate in their own minds where they've been and where they hope to go in their lives, with God's help and direction.

So, I'm taking that opportunity to meditate a little this week. The last few months have been hard in Mali, with an extra-hot hot season, exacerbated by power supply limitations, and then a heart-breaking situation with a church family that included church discipline, on the road, we hope, to repentance and reconciliation. There have been many joys amidst the challenges, and that just leads us to this transition time of mixed emotions. Joys and heartbreaks. Hopes and disappointments. Rewards and mistakes.

I want to focus on the important things for awhile, like my good God, my loving family, many caring friends and good health. Lord, help me to be de-sensitized to my personal discomforts or annoyances, and live each moment in the joy and peace You give.

I look forward to any comments or advice you'd like to share, if you've been down this road already...

Gifts and giving

By the title, you might assume I'm just late in reporting on Christmas happenings. While Christmastime reminds us of who, what, why and how much we want to spend on giving each year, this post is broader than that. I'm processing some new insights into the culture in which I'm living as different from the one in which I grew up, and applying those thoughts to concerns I have of helping in Haiti, for example.

(By the way, caption on this photo is a humorous story about gifting...this is my friend, Naomi. See the necklace she's wearing on Christmas Day? Last Christmas, my mom gave us all Lady Godiva chocolates wrapped in these pretty ribbons with bangles, and I saved them from everybody's box and tucked them in my suitcase to bring to Mali. For my Christmas gifts to my friends this year, I wrapped them in these Godiva embellishments, and to my surprise, Naomi was wearing hers proudly the next morning at church!)

Crossing cultures reveals our limitations in language and local know-how, but also brings irritations when the things I expect to happen don't, or I sense that I'm not doing something that is expected of me. The area of gift-giving is one of those personal places where adjustments in thinking and attitude often happen, and probably need to happen more.

As an American, I'm used to giving a gift with a reasonable expectation of reciprocation. We want to know that our relationships are both give and take, otherwise one person starts to feel they're been taken advantage of. Also, in many circles, re-gifting is considered in poor taste, except in White Elephant gift exchanges at Christmastime. And if someone forgets to say "thank you" for a gift, they are certainly marked as thoughtless at best and rude at worst.

While seemingly obvious social standards, these are just cultural values for Americans and some other Western societies, but are not worldwide human rules of behavior. I have been reading a helpful little booklet called, The Essentials: A guide for team members going to Mali, by Face to Face International, a group who helps short-term teams going to various places around the world be prepared for the traveling and culture to which they are going to serve. While I have lived in West Africa for many years now, there are still areas which I don't understand yet and which "rub me the wrong way" when dealing with friends and strangers here, including gift-giving.

A quote given in this booklet is by Malian Djingarey Maiga, "Gifts are the link with your neighbors, your parents, your relatives. If you can't keep that link, you are not a human being." And yet Mali is near the bottom of Human Development Index reports for quality of life and poverty levels, and rights and opportunities for women. Many people live on $1 a day or less so how can they afford to give gifts all the time?

I come in as the "rich American", and try to balance wanting to help people in real, tangible ways, with not creating a dependency on "foreign aid" or my limited monthly budget. So, I give money to some, jobs to others, food assistance to a few, and hand-me-down clothes and stuff to whoever wants it. Figuring out who to give to and not create jealousies or injustices among friends has been a concern.

But then, sometimes I'll see an article of clothing that I gave one family on a child of another family, and I know that what I gave to one was shared with others, and that makes me feel good. If I was offended that my gift was "re-gifted" to someone else, I'd be missing one of the good points about Malian gift-giving, in that by "paying forward" and sharing with others, we're making the community as a whole stronger and better connected, and also taking care of the sick and poor. I don't have to feel embarrassed about children going through my garbage or offering my outgrown or unwanted clothes to my friends because they will take what they want or need and share with the less fortunate who need as well. I just feel good about getting rid of my clutter, but I can feel good about it going to people who need it as well.

So, gift-giving is not based on exchange or equivalence between giver and receiver, although everyone eventually receives gifts because that's part of the connection to the community. My gifts might be more in the area of finances or goods, while the gifts given to me are more in the area of services and cultural support and information. One thing that is equal and expected here is the cultural greeting that shows respect for the other person. When meeting someone new for the first time and also each day or "session" of being together, people go through an elaborate greeting ritual, asking about health, family, work, etc... putting people on equal ground before saying the truth of your health and that of your family. As efficient, task-oriented Americans, we are often impatient with the ritual and feel that saying we're fine, the family's fine, etc... is dishonest when really we're sick.

But giving that basic human level of respect and a moment of time, is a huge gift that shows I care about these people and that we can move our relationship ahead. All gifts given here, whether abstract gifts of respect and honor, or gifts of time and service, or of money or groceries, have strings attached to them which hold the relationships together and create the social network that functions here. STRINGS ATTACHED TO MY GIFTS? Another area of annoyance for Americans.

And since giving is so much the base of life here, it's often expected that if someone needs something and I have it, they have the right to ask me for it; that I'm willing to share of my abundance, even if it's only electricity off my line or lemons off my tree. (When it's something special that I've brought over from America and I know they don't understand the sacrifice they're asking or that they wouldn't know how to use it or enjoy it, I politely refuse; I do have my limits.) But since it's expected, there's not always a “thank you” to accompany the gift. Do you sense several annoyances here already?

Anyway, I know of several people who are in Haiti or planning to go to Haiti to help there in the coming weeks and months. I've been thinking about some of these inherent cross-cultural differences, and how that might impact the effectiveness of someone's efforts. Nevermind the obvious problems of eating, drinking and staying healthy in a place of catastrophic destruction or even war. Isn't there a responsibility by the “heroes” descending en masse to make an effort at being culturally appropriate? Washing sores and giving out vitamins and clean water might indeed safe a life; I've done that here. But I'm afraid that some of the “heroes” who have their own set of needs, limitations and expectations might go in blindly to the culture and do more harm than good among the Haitians. Being a highly moved and motivated human being does not necessarily translate to being an effective rescuer, and those who go in without making local connections and doing some real research on where they're going may just be adding to the problem by being in the way or even drawing resources away to take care of them, or worse yet, by offending the people they've gone to save.

Sometimes, gifts wrapped in the wrong packages or given for the wrong motivations, seem more of a curse than a blessing. I'm afraid that altruistic gifts of time or life-saving supplies wrapped in ugly American pride and ignorance, or given out of a “hero” mentality, could have that effect on the already hurting Haitians. I pray that God will take people's humble efforts at doing good works for others and make them truly good and effective.

I am so grateful for the gift of my cochlear implants, and for the little bit of giving I can do as a result of being re-connected to relationships through my hearing. I think of the researchers and developers who gave their time and intellect to develop this technology, and the audiologists who help us to be able to use it. We are all connected in different ways and domains to make this human experience interesting and effective. Even if we see things from different perspectives, the “pay it forward” concept works anywhere!

And as a Christian, I'm most grateful for the ultimate gift of Jesus. Ok, a little belated Christmas ending!