2nd Ear Activation

Here's the video that my husband took of me and the audiologist getting my 2nd cochlear implant activated on Wednesday, the 17th. These are the first minutes that my left ear had any sound stimulation in 8 months. It helped me to realize how far my 1st implant has come, even though I'm still working on it to feel like sounds and music are how I remember; they aren't yet, but it's only been 2 months on that side. When the 2nd ear was turned on here, sounds went back to being "tinny" and "chirpy".

I returned the next day and had my levels adjusted again on that ear and left the office feeling more balanced in both ears, like they weren't competing for my best attention. Now, I can enjoy Christmas vacation in Florida with family and participate in all of the activities, except swimming in the ocean...I have to take the speech processors off to swim, or shower or sleep.

The audiologist asked me if the sounds felt weird; some new CI users FEEL the sound more than HEAR it at first. I said that this whole thing was weird; here I am plugged into a computer, listening to digital beeps and trying to make them even in volume. YES, this is weird; I just want my normal hearing back! But I realize that that is no longer an option for me, so I am very grateful for this technology that gave me my life back and my joy, and I'll work and make the best of it for the rest of my life.

I'm also grateful to my employer/mission organization, WorldVenture, for funding all of this expensive rehabilitation for me. With many people having little or no health insurance, I realize how blessed I am to be "covered" by this great group. I'm also grateful to my Lord for giving me little personal and spiritual encouragements along the way, during this difficult time of deafness. He has brought people across my path bringing gifts of smiles and hugs, or prayer support, or even monetary gifts to help with our side of the expenses. He has also encouraged my heart with verses of Scripture at just the right moment to prove that He is a living and active God and cares about me, personally.

Thanks, too, to my ever-patient family and friends, my surgeon and audiologists, and HearingJourney.com who have supported my progress in many different ways. I feel like a success story in progress, and it's certainly not my own doing.

Seward family Christmas silliness

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Hearing Progress and Getting Ready for 2nd Ear Activation

It's surprising how fast time flies, especially at holiday time when there are extra meals to prepare, gifts to buy, and errands to run. I haven't posted a blog now for weeks, but as I look forward to my 2nd activation on Wednesday, I'm thinking about the progress I've made in returning to the hearing world.

I still don't jump to answer the phone; maybe I'm just lazy, but sometimes it's still hard to understand the person on the other end of the line. There are many people who call our house, though, that I can understand and enjoy a conversation with, with only the occasional request for a repeat. That's a wonderful step ahead.

On Friday, I was the "guest lecturer" at my 3rd grader's classroom to talk for about 40 minutes on hearing and hearing loss, and cochlear implants, as part of their Science unit on sound. Did I "wow" 23 students with my technical knowledge and expertise, or was it just at the end when I stuck a spoon to the side of my head? In any case, I don't think I embarrassed my son too much, so all-in-all it felt like a successful event.

Yesterday at church, I worked both services in the baby nursery as part of a monthly rotation when I can get my "baby fix" on a regular basis. But I also worked last night for the Christmas program and played with talking toddlers. This was a step forward since normally babies just need rocking or bottles, but toddlers like interaction and vocabulary building. So, little Justin and Jeremy and I played with airplanes and Pooh Bears and my hearing impairment wasn't a problem with my cochlear implant working for me.

I've been working on my music appreciation by listening to Christmas music on my MP3 player, both orchestral and multi-layered music and with simpler acoustic arrangements that make it easier to hear and understand the pitches and lyrics. I've still got a ways to go before music sounds like what I remember, but my brain must be making adjustments again because my clarity is starting to get "mushy" and I can tell that I need a new mapping in my 1st speech processor. So, I'm glad that I'm already scheduled this week at the audiologist's office for my 2nd processor activation so I can get them both tweaked before Christmas vacation.

By the way, my daughter who is away at boarding school in Senegal, is coming home for Christmas on Thursday. I haven't had a face-to-face conversation with her since I got my implants, so I'm so excited to sit down and get caught up. We chat and email each other on-line, but I haven't had a real talk with her since before I went deaf in April. We're going down to Florida for most of the vacation to spend time with our families down there, siblings, cousins, grandparents, whom we've haven't seen in years, in some cases. It should be a nice time together and I'm so glad I'll be able to participate in it all!

A Second Implant, Already?

My life has returned, or at least my ability to live my life again! The last few weeks have been busy with mappings for my speech processor and doing listening exercises to regain a sense of hearing using my new cochlear implant. And I'm doing most of the things I used to do in my roles as wife and mother. The grin on my face when I have a great conversation with someone or get a joke that I would have previously missed is clear evidence to all of how much I'm "coming out the cave" I've been in for the last six months.

After being activated for about 2 weeks, my audiologist who had spoken with the surgeon suggested that I should go ahead and get the second ear implanted as soon as possible, since I'm looking at returning to Africa next June, and will need time for mappings on the new ear and to coordinate both implants. I had been resigned to doing only one ear at this time, even though our mission's medical plan had approved the financing for both implants. But when the audiologist pointed out that the longer I wait to stimulate the non-implanted ear, the longer and harder will be the rehabilitation on that side, and perhaps it will have less potential as time goes on. So, after confirming with the mission that I could do the second ear, we gave the go-ahead to the hospital schedulers.

It took nearly two weeks before we heard back with a definite date, and then they were asking if we could be ready for surgery in one week. Unfortunately, the date they wanted for surgery was the same day that Tom had booked a flight to Florida to help his parents move, but we went ahead and agreed to the surgery date, not knowing if there'd be another opportunity to get it in before the end of the year. Then we set about rearranging some things, and asking my mom if she could come back from Florida, as she had offered, to help me with recovery.

So, Wednesday morning this week, November 12th, I had my left ear implanted in the same way as my right ear was done two months ago. I'm now recovering again, with some pain in that ear and at the incision, and a dull headache when I let the pain meds go low. I'm sleeping more than normal and hungry, too. I think that the body's healing process requires more nutrition, but I certainly don't want to add more pounds while I'm vainly regretting the new patch of shaved hair on my poor tortured head.

This time, however, I have the working speech processor that allows me to hear so I'm not in complete silence when it's on. It was fun to see the same nurses in pre-op, too, comment that I seemed much happier than before. They could tell that I was doing well with my first implant, as it was showing in my personality and my facial expression.

One of the things I've accomplished since having the gift of hearing again is renewing my driver's license by myself. I drove down to the office, filled out the paperwork, answered all questions and testing without ever explaining my hearing impairment, and walked out of the office in under 15 minutes, temporary permit in hand. I was so pleased with my progress and hopeful of other things I can do now. I must admit to a moment's hesitation when I hear the phone ring, and checking the caller i.d. to see if it's someone I know and a voice I might understand, but even that should improve with time and practice. So, I keep doing my homework and expecting great results.

Hearing Again - The First Week

I've been "activated" for a week now (my cochlear implant speech processor turned on) and have discovered sounds I didn't hear before, like the tumbling mechanism in doorknobs, the creak of the dinner table hinge, and the crunch of the carpet fibers.

Other sounds were a surprise to hear because I hadn't heard them in so long I'd forgotten they were there, like the ding of the car door and music in restaurants. Yesterday, after I'd ignored the phone ringing for fear of picking it up and being stuck not understanding whoever was on the other end, I noticed a regular, little buzz and asked my husband to look at the processor on my ear to see if any lights were flashing or something. He said no and then laughed as he realized what the pulsating buzz was...the message indicator on the answering machine in the office.

I did have a successful phone conversation with my mom, but not with some other people, so that was encouraging but also makes me want to keep working on hearing rehabilitation so that I can have complete functioning. We were involved in a busy 5-day missions conference this week, where I spoke several times in different "environments", and had to monitor our display table out in a busy lobby. The lobby time was a real challenge because of all the background noise and discussions going on around me. But I was pleased to be able to HAVE conversations! I felt like a butterfly coming out of her cocoon, being able to be ME again. I'm so thankful for this technology.

I was asked the other day, "What is your favorite sound?" I replied that it ISN'T loading and unloading the dishwasher...the clanking dishes and pots is so loud and annoying. I am really struggling to answer that question because nothing sounds as I know it should. My auditory memory tells me what I remember hearing from just 6 months ago and the bird calls and music coming in don't sound right yet. Don't get me wrong; I'm so glad to hear my husband's voice again, even though he sounds like Alvin of the Chipmunks. I guess my favorite sound is my sons' voices when they look me in the eye with something very important to tell me, and they're little chipmunk voices are so cute. I wish I could "bottle" them for later when they're all grown up and my speech processor has adjusted to sounding "right". I'll long to remember those little chipmunks in my house.

Just a side note: I had my third mapping (processor re-programming) at the audiologist's on Wednesday, and she was so pleased with my progress, she asked if I was planning on getting the other ear implanted. She had talked to my surgeon about my progress and felt that the processor was meeting my expectations and that I was adjusting well to my new "toy". She advised that if I thought I would ever do the other ear, I should do it sooner than later, since the more time that passes means a longer rehabilitation on the other end from lack of stimulation. And since I'm pushing to return to Africa next June, I should try to get it scheduled before the end of this year so I have enough time to do mappings with both ears. So, now we've gotten the go-ahead from our medical coverage to schedule the second surgery and are awaiting word from the audiologist about the next date.

My Cochlear Implant Activation Days

On Thursday, my husband and I drove down to Ann Arbor for an 8:00 am appointment with my audiologist, Rachel. On arriving at the office, I was sent for an x-ray, which I hadn't expected, but realized was a good idea to show that the implant was still in place and the electrode array was curled properly inside my cochlea from the outside high frequencies to the inside low frequencies.


Back in Rachel's office, we went through the box of parts and accessories that came with my speech processor, including earhooks, direct connect wires for MP3 players and the like, batteries and the charger, the dry aid case for storage, and the color covers I'd chosen. Then she connected my speech processor, which is the mini computer that hangs behind my ear, and the headpiece, which attaches magnetically to the side of my head and transmits the signals to the implant under my skin. The problem with the headpiece was that the magnet that came with the piece was too weak and wouldn't stay in place. So, she tried the next strongest magnet and that didn't hold either. So, the third magnet finally held, but I'll have to be careful that it doesn't create an irritation on my scalp that could provoke other problems.

We started with setting comfortable volume levels of beeps in the different frequencies served by the electrodes in the array. Day 1 actually grouped the 16 electrodes into 4 groups of 4 as the first step in finding a starting place for my hearing. After that, Rachel turned on the speech processor so that I could "hear"; that is what is captured on the YouTube video linked here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67cvw9McwIg Rachel said numbers, hiding her mouth from my view, and I repeated what I heard. I got about 6 out of 10 correct, but everything sounded like Alvin and the Chipmunks. I could distinguish between a man's voice and a woman's voice, and when an associate knocked on the door, I could hear it. Rachel said that these were encouraging signs that I was off to a good start, since my hearing loss was so recent. After answering our questions and showing us how to charge the batteries, Rachel sent us off for the day to practice listening and getting used to the processor.


In the car on the way home, we started with music on the radio to see how that sounded. Honestly, it sounded like a water fountain or a rushing stream, but when drumbeats were obvious, I could hear the difference between the beats, and the instruments and voices, even though nothing had a nice tone to it. Then we switched to talk radio to see how much of that I could pick up. Occasional words or phrases and several numbers were clear, but everything else was just chipmunk mumbo-jumbo. We stopped at a rest stop and attempted phone calls to our parents and our daughter in Senegal to give them the good news of my hearing success so far. I could understand some, others not. It's the same with lip-reading; some people are easier to understand for some reason. Part of it is talking a little slower and more intentionally with a deaf person, so they can catch all the sounds that might otherwise run together.

It was hard to pull out Tom's voice from the radio voices, and I found that I was still very dependent on the visual cues to understand him, but we were actually having a conversation without paper and pen or computer. This was worth celebrating, and we did; at Applebee's for lunch. At home, we tried to plug into my new MP3 player that Tom bought for me, but we couldn't seem to get it going. The rest of the day, I enjoyed talking with everyone possible trying out my new "toy".

Friday morning, we went back down to Ann Arbor for another 8:00 am mapping session, but this time, Rachel played with the individual electrode levels and trying a couple of different program settings. Then we went into the sound booth to see how well I was doing compared to my pre-implant results. First, she tested to see at what decibel level I could hear different frequencies. Pre-implant, I tested between 75-85 decibels, but today, I was between 20-30db across the board. Normal levels are 10-20 db, so I was just under normal. Then she tested my speech recognition in the sound booth listening to a man on a cd say simple sentences. Pre-implant with a loaner hearing aid, I tested at about 12%, but today I was at 70% ! This is just one day after getting my implant activated! What a great answer to many prayers for my hearing success.

We got the MP3 player working and I could pick out the rhythms of some familiar songs Tom had loaded on for me. Everyone still sounds like chipmunks. Rachel is sure that by my next appointment on Wednesday next week, I'll probably have changed significantly again. This is a process of actually training the auditory nerve to receive impulses again, but this time from a man-made source simulating what God created to happen deep inside our hearing apparatus. Then the brain takes the signals from the auditory nerve and makes sense of the "sound". Now I have to train my brain to make sense of these new impulses, so "practice, practice, practice" is the name of the game.

I tried playing some notes on the piano and could tell the differences in the notes as I went up and down the keyboard, but I wouldn't want to sing in church, yet! I tried the phone again today with little success, but one of these days, I'll be surprised by what I who I can talk to. The speech processor is heavy on my ear and causes some discomfort by the end of the day, but I bought some moleskin cushioning designed for feet comfort and that seems to help.

So, each day will be an exciting adventure in seeing what changes happen in my hearing, and in being able to connect with people again in a meaningful way. Caleb keeps saying how thankful he is that I can hear again. We all are thankful, I'm sure, and my abilities to connect with people will be put to the test right away as we begin a 5-day missions conference, where we are scheduled to speak and participate in classes, small group home meetings, meals in homes and restaurants, and meeting folks at our display. This would be totally overwhelming being deaf, as these are difficult hearing situations. It'll be a challenge to hear through the background noise in restaurants and lobbies, but I'm so excited to give it a try and hope it gives me some of that practice.

Road Repairs

This blog posting has nothing to do with deafness or cochlear implants, or the beauty of the morning, or my family or work. I just want to express my pet peeves about the condition of the roads around here, completely ignoring my past experiences on Malian roads which are many times worse, and realizing that I really should be appreciative for the work the road crews do to improve things.

However, Lansing road repair crews just finished doing a stretch of downtown highway patches at regular intervals that were sort of like seam expansions. In other words, they took where there was one crack and made it two with a new patch of concrete in the middle. Then they "caulked" the new seams with a black tar material to, I assume, weather proof the new seam from water and impact damage. What bugs me most about this is that you can see where the caulking is not on the crack. Is this because: 1) the workers who apply it can't see well enough or follow a straight line?, 2) the caulking moves after it's been applied, by wind or water, in which case, what good is it?, 3) they allowed people to drive on it too soon and the tires moved the caulking? (except that it's not squished flat...). I don't know what happens there, but it obviously is not weather-proofed anymore so the repairs won't last very long. Wouldn't it behoove the crews to do more careful work? Perhaps they should hire "perfectionists" who can fill in a crack completely.

And then there's the holes, grooves, crumbling asphalt, and crevasses that just need a bit of fill-in asphalt to make the roadway smoother and prevent further damage for the time being. I think the Department of Transportation ought to have on the payroll a three-man workcrew in an asphalt truck, just driving the streets and roadways of town, filling in the holes as they go. One guy drives, one guy puts out the orange safety cones, and one guy shovels the asphalt and pats it down. How hard would that be? It would protect some of the road edges and corners that get progressively torn up and would delay major repaving projects for years. It would also make for smoother and safer surfaces for cars and bikes to drive on.

Some of the holes and crevasses I've driven over are simply annoying, some are a potential damage-causer to my undercarriage or tires, but some are downright dangerous to the growing motorcycle and scooter population. Their tire base is not as large to absorb the impact and it's easier to get "thrown" by a good-sized crack.

I know I'm no expert in construction materials or methods. I'm just a driver who tries to swerve carefully and avoid damage to my vehicle, but I can blog my complaints here and see who else agrees...

Morning Walks of Beauty

I have been enjoying morning walks this last week, and discovered the joy of looking for something special every day for which to thank my Creator. Since I walk my youngest son to his bus stop in the morning anyway, I decided to make this my exercise routine while the weather is nice. I wave goodbye to him, and off I go on a loop of one sort or another, trying out new paths or venturing down unknown roads, scanning the houses as I go, and looking for interesting birds, deer, squirrels at work or play, or other signs of "life". While my walks so far are in complete silence, making me all the more alert to traffic and the goings-on around me, I look ahead two weeks to when my cochlear implant will be activated for sound, and my walks will take on a whole new dimension.

One day this week, Caleb and I remarked at the huge, orange, full morning moon rising in the sky. Another day, we felt almost criminal walking across the red leaf carpet laid before us on the sidewalk under a small maple tree that looked to us like the flame on a candle. Each leaf had brilliant color and texture in the yellow and green veins of the leaf. We keep trying to collect the most beautiful ones, and give them to each other as a love gift, but by the end of the day, they are withered and dry, and have lost their beauty.

Another day, as I was walking along with the road on my right and a swampy area on my left, I noticed at my feet a little black and brown fuzzy caterpillar about the cross the road. At first, I kept walking. And then I thought that I'd like to bring the little guy home and show the boys after school. So, I went back and picked him up and carried him home. I grabbed a clear plastic deli container and ripped some grass out from the cracks in the driveway (it needed to come out anyway!) and made a temporary home for him. Caleb enjoyed him and helped me release him the next day, mentioning that he hoped some bird didn't swoop down and eat him.

I've seen Blue Jays and Cardinals this week, which we should enjoy during the winter months, too. And I saw my first "V" formation of geese migrating South for the winter. All of these wonderful things cause my heart to sing in praise and worship for the God who not only made them, but made me as well. Have you gone a morning walk lately?

Last update on surgery recovery

Well, tomorrow will be one week since I had my implant surgery, and today I went without any pain meds. at all. I'm pleased with the progress, and have resumed driving and real light exercise (no sweat yet!). I'm trying to keep the steri-strips in place until my post-op check-up with Dr. Telian on the 23rd, but if they come off before then, I won't be too bothered. They are a little annoying, but serve to keep things clean from infection, so I put up with it.

My activation dates are now set with the audiologist: October 9th & 10th. The first day they give me the external speech processor to attach by magnet to the implant on the other side of my skin. The audiologist will take me through a series of beeps to set real basic volume comfort levels at various frequencies and pitches. The next day, I will come back for a more complete "mapping" session to set specific programming in place on the various program slots available for my use on the speech processor. Then I'll go home for a week and try it all out in different listening situations. I'll also start working on listening exercises, and reading and listening to unabridged audio books for more listening practice.

This morning while walking with Caleb to his bus stop, he asked me, "Mom, why don't you home-school me this year?" I told him that I have my own homework in having surgery and rehabilitation to get my hearing back so we can return to our work in Africa next year. Plus, he needs to make friends and have fun at school. I got the impression that he was a little down this morning, and he asked if I could pick him up from school rather than have to ride the bus home. Just then, we saw a little mouse hopping across the grass, and we were delighted by the creature. We told him he better stay outside; no-one wanted him inside their house.

We kept walking to the bus stop, and Caleb saw a deer in the back yard of the house across the street. I told him that God was giving him a little gift this morning to cheer him up; He was sharing His creation with us to say, "See, Caleb, I love you today!" And then we saw two more deer feeding under a fruit tree nearby. Many cars were whipping by on the road, never seeing what was mere feet from their windows, but Caleb and I had the pleasure of savoring these beautiful animals before the bus pulled up.

Aren't those the kind of moments to treasure for a lifetime? I'm so glad Caleb has worked hard at being able to communicate with me, even in my deafness. We really enjoy each other's company, and when I need a buddy to go somewhere with me, he's usually "game".

I told my other son, Ben, this afternoon, that when I get activated, he's one of the first people I want to sit down and have a conversation with. I miss him and not being able to have a "heart-to-heart" with this tender one. I also miss just hanging out with my husband, and he with me, so we'll have to plan some fun "together" time to make us for a few lost months. We have a required trip to Denver in January at mission HQ, so we're considering taking the train out there and getting a sleeping compartment and making a fun adventure out of it. Better than trying to drive out there in the middle of winter, and who knows how expensive or risky air travel will be then, so I think the train is a good option.

Anyone done train travel lately and want to share their experience?

The Day After Surgery

So, yesterday, I came home and updated this blog, Facebook, answered e-mails, and chatted with some family before I called it a night. Today, I'm wiped out in the recliner, taking it easy and enjoying the pampering. Trying to get by on Tylenol for pain, but I'll probably open the Vicodin for sleeping tonight.

My medical and cochlear implant friends will want to see the incision pictures after removal of the headwrap, so here they are. Unfortunately for the very curious, the steri-strips cover the stitches, and have to stay on for 2 weeks until I go back to the surgeon for a check-up on my recovery. By then, the dissolvable stitches should be gone, and I'll be getting impatient for the activation in another 2 weeks. This is quite a process to hear again, but it will all be worth it, I'm sure.

Cochlear Implant Surgery a Success, so far

Today was the big day for me; I had my cochlear implant surgery and all went well, according to the surgeon. But let me go back a couple of days to share the total experience...

I have been encouraged by other cochlear implantees to allow myself to be pampered and treated like a queen while recovering from surgery. And after reading the experiences of some who had facial or taste nerves cut or damaged during surgery, I decided that I was going to start the "queen treatment" a bit early, so in case I ended up being a worst-case scenario, I would have good memories to think back on. Also, I wanted to take my mind off of any anxious forethoughts, and celebrate the hope with my loved ones as I went into this first step toward returning to the hearing world.

So, on Monday night, I convinced my loving husband to take me out for all-you-can-eat shrimp at Red Lobster. We had Shrimp Scampi, Linguine Shrimp Alfredo, Cajun Shrimp, Hand-battered Shrimp, and Coconut Shrimp bites. Oh man, are you hungry yet? That was so good.

Then, when we found out that I had to be at the surgical center at 6:15 am on Wednesday and it's a 1.5 hour trip to Ann Arbor, I convinced my mom, who was driving me down for surgery, that we should leave on Tuesday and enjoy some of the sights of Ann Arbor that we'd never explored. When all you know about Ann Arbor is the University of Michigan Hospital and the audiologist's office near the mall, you know you're missing something.

So, I'd heard about Zingerman's Delicatessen and how it's "the best deli outside of New York City", so we decided to eat lunch there and enjoy looking around at all their imported foodstuffs and bakery, and then go on to Trader Joe's not far from our hotel. We had a great afternoon eating ourselves to the point of discomfort before I had to start fasting at midnight. By the way, Zingerman's does a brisk on-line business apparently, and I can attest to the fact that their food was DELICIOUS! Check out zingermans.com.


So, we got up early, arrived at the surgical center, were taken back for prepping, and wheeled away for surgery. Here's a picture before I was drugged unconscious.










The next thing I knew, I was being awakened, and told that the surgery was a "textbook case" and all went well. No nerve lines cut, and no other complications; in fact I was a best-case scenario, so far. The surgery was from 7:30-11:30, and I was released by 12:45pm to head home. Here's a picture of me after surgery, with my lovely turban headwrap on. Won't my African friends think this is quite attractive? I get to take it off tomorrow and see what's hiding underneath.



We stopped at Panera's for soup and Iced Green Tea on the way home. I wasn't feeling dizzy or nauseated, just a little embarrassed for my appearance. Then we were home by 2:30, and I felt good; energy to write blogs and e-mails, with a little help from my friendly Vicodin pill, I'm sure. By the way, have you noticed a theme here, with food? I like to eat.

So, there you have the surgery day update. My doctor said that I should be hearing again by Halloween. Of course, I have to recover, let the swelling go down, get the external pieces to make the implant work and get it programmed for sound three times before then, but I think the worst is over, now. We'll see how I feel tomorrow and the next day...

Thanks to all my prayer warriors for a busy, rewarding day of answered prayer. Keep up the good work!

First Week of School - The Ups and Downs

Our daughter left for school a few weeks ago and is doing well. But this week, our two sons started public school and there have been a few memorable moments. Ben, the oldest, went to Kindergarten in Wheaton, Illinois, and did 2nd grade in French public school in Quebec, Canada, but otherwise, he's been home-schooled. He started this week in Middle School - 7th grade, and is learning quickly about staying organized and lugging a huge backpack back and forth to school on his bike.

He started the first day on the school bus, but we discovered that he should have taken a different bus at a different stop; and getting home he got confused, so he ended up at one of the elementary schools and called us to come and pick him up. After that, he said he'd ride his bike for now. He forgot to make a sandwich for his lunch, so he came home starved. The second day he decided he'd try the school's hot lunch program, so I gave him $3 to pay in cash, since we hadn't yet gotten onto the on-line Lunchdeposit.com to fill up his Meal Magic account. It's like a pre-paid credit system in the lunchroom where you can make deposits from your credit card. Ben hadn't memorized his Meal Magic # yet and was too scared to ask about it all, so he skipped eating on the 2nd day. The third day he got his lock and locker assignment, but when he came home that afternoon, Tom had to go back over to the school to help him figure out why he couldn't work the lock. I laugh because this is all the stuff of future bad dreams, for the rest of his life. Do you still have dreams about not finding your classroom, or forgetting you had a test that day, or losing your class schedule? I do.

Caleb, our youngest, started 3rd grade this week. He's only been home-schooled in Africa, so this was big stuff for him. He was very upset about the whole bus situation the night before school started because we could see by the published schedule that he'd take one bus to Murphy School in the morning and then transfer to the bus that would take him to his school, Ralya. In the afternoon, he'd take a different number bus to Wilkshire School and transfer to the bus that would bring him home. Two transers, three different locations, for a kid who hadn't yet memorized his address or phone number, and didn't know anyone in the system.

I walked him out to the bus, loaded with a card to read for all his connections as I understood them, but also with his vital information in case someone needed to know where he lived to direct him properly. Tom and I "stalked" his busses all the way to Ralya that first day to make sure he made the transfer okay. On the way home, someone directed him to the wrong transfer bus and he rode all over town on the wrong bus. When it was nearly an hour and a half after I knew his school let out, I told my husband that we needed to go find him, he must be lost somewhere. So, off we went, instructing Ben to be the point man at the house. We went to the transfer spot, Murphy, and asked if there were any straggler bus kids hanging around. The staffer there started making phone calls to Ralya and then the bus garage, and they had Caleb there and would bring him to us at Murphy. Poor kid; just what he'd worried about. But he didn't seem too traumatized when he arrived, and the drivers apologized for the mix-up, so the next day, we tried the busses again. His first driver apparently heard of the mix-up and wondered why Caleb hadn't been on his home-bound bus the night before, so he assured me that they'd get it straight that night. Which, thankfully they did, and all is now well on the busses.

However, poor Caleb is so clueless about how school works, and the rhythm of the day, that the first day he didn't know to bring his lunch from the classroom to the cafeteria, so they had to give him a hot lunch. I don't know if they thought his delinquent parents didn't even pack this kid a lunch, or what, but I know we had a whole teaching session at home about what constitutes a healthy lunch and what the options were in the fridge and cupboard. So, he brought back his warm Go-gourt and smooshed PB&J and said they gave him a free lunch! The next day his teacher sent me a note to let me know that he'd assigned some older kids to Caleb to "show him the ropes"; I can only assume that means that he's still trying to figure it all out.

But I'm so proud of my kids, all of them. They are showing tremendous courage under the circumstances, and I know it's not easy for them to have a deaf mom. But they've been so great about repeating and air spelling words for me, or playing charades to help me understand what they're saying. They've really had a good attitude about all of the adjustments they've been required to make these last few months.

This next week will be a challenge for us all as I have my cochlear implant surgery in Ann Arbor on Wednesday. Tom will stay with the boys while my mom takes me down for the outpatient procedure. We talked today about going down a day early, in case my surgery is early morning, so we don't have to get up too early on the day of and be wiped out before we ever get started. There are some interesting shops we haven't visited yet, so we might make a girls' day of it Tuesday and take my mind off the surgery the next day.

I hope to post pictures of my incision for those who are interested here. I know it's sounds gory and is a bit, but other implantees understand the interest in these things: how long the incision?; how much hair did they shave?; how did they close--with staples, stitches, or glue?; how ugly the turban bandage afterwards?; you know...the comparisons to their experience. I'll try to post a surgery update as soon as I'm able. In the meantime, I'd appreciate all prayers for a successful implantation and quick recovery. Thank you, my friends.

Politics - I'm venturing into deep waters, here.

Now that I'm registered to vote in my new location, I thought I'd better start doing my research on the candidates, beyond the annoying t.v. commercials I don't pay much attention to...
So, I kept half an eye on the Democratic Convention last week, and read some articles on each candidate, feeling pretty torn between Obama and McCain. I must be one of those swing vote independents that is a valuable target right now in the campaigning efforts.

Having lived overseas for a number of years, I know that cultural differences play an important role in people and countries understanding each other and effectively communicating with each other. Someone with little cross-cultural experience will have a hard time with international concerns and will need to depend on their State Dept. advisors for issues dealing with foreign wars and peace-keeping efforts. Principles regarding Democracy and freedom, for example, are very important to the United States, but respect and interdependence are more important, perhaps, in a clan-oriented society. When we (Americans) go blazing into a country with our anti-terrorism ideals, we have to present them in a way in which they will be accepted and integrated if we want to see real, long-term change. But is that our responsibility?! To change other societies?

So, Obama's lack of cross-cultural experience could make him vulnerable to mistakes of miscommunication of ideals or to an assumption of motivations not really there on another country's part. McCain's so-called "temper" or "prickly" interpersonal dynamic might add to tensions, but he does have many year's experience dealing with foreign nations and non-American ideals.

Obama's age and "color" are certainly exciting to think about breaking historical "boxes" put on the position of President of the U.S., but there's so much we don't know about his past and his former associations. And his job record is certainly lacking in real-life work experience, but he's obviously been able to work with the resources available to him to get where he is, so I don't think it's necessary to have worked at McDonalds, for example, to prove you can follow instructions or be a valuable team member. It certainly helped him to add Joe Biden to his ticket if he was wanting to add experience to his "tool chest" of advisors and resources.

But, honestly, I'm a pro-lifer, who wants to see the value of human life honored in every stage of life. I don't believe that a woman has the right to be promiscuous and then kill a life she didn't want, but was too irresponsible to prevent. We all have consequences to our actions, but my consequences should not lead to murdering someone else. But don't label me yet or box me into a certain corner...

I also believe that we should be good stewards of the Earth God created, and I'm all for wind and solar energy options. After Chernobyl, I'm not so excited about nuclear power plants. All you have to do is look at our crumbling infrastructure and you can get nervous about having nuclear power plants spread around our country. And how about hydroelectric options? Can't we turn some of this flooding doom and gloom into a positive resource? Is it an engineering possibility to make levees also be hydro power sources?

On the environmental issue, I was looking at pictures of strip-mined German landscape the other day and wondered why we don't make mining companies repair like tree-planters in Canada, where they have to turn around and replant what they chopped down to restore the land and prepare for the future? My husband tried tree-planting one Summer before we got married. He didn't do so well with it, but his buddy tree-planted every Summer to pay his way through college.

Anyway, back to the politicians...I happened to be working in the kitchen the morning that Sarah Palin was announced as McCain's running mate, and I was very interested in his choice. I must say that I'm favorably interested in seeing how her assets play out in the media, and the "box-breaking" excitement is there, too. Being a mother of 5 children and working in government already says something to me about her ability to MULTI-TASK successfully. And she's been effective at being a help-mate to her husband, by going out and helping in his fishing business, and cheering on her kids' educators on the PTO, was it? She's been applauded and promoted at every opportunity, so she must be the kind of person people not only want to have around, but want leading them. Granted, her learning curve going to Washington, DC, will be huge, but somehow, given a little grace, I think she can handle it.

So, McCain's gamble has impressed me, a 41-year-old religious wife and mother; and I will be hoping and praying for Mrs. Palin's successful entry into the vicious world of national and international politics and media coverage. On the topic of modern communications and media, McCain doesn't use e-mail, but I'm guessing that Mrs. Palin is more computer- and cyber-savvy. Do you think she's on Facebook??

Pets and disabilities

The other day, I took my youngest to the park and beach near our house for a little afternoon swimming as we near the end of Summer. And lovely surprise, it was the Humane Society's "Adopt a Pet" day. They had cats and dogs for sale, in cages or tied to trees for us to touch and talk to.

You see, we're in pet withdrawal living at Grandma's house for the Summer and this next school year, while I have surgery and do rehabilitation for my hearing. At our house in Africa, we have 2 cats and 2 dogs, all of which are female, so we have a regular rotation of kittens and puppies to enjoy. We love it and never have trouble finding people to give them away to. Cats are great for keeping the mice population to a minimum, and dogs are great guards. The problem out there is that we don't have great vets; they're used to treating donkeys, sheep, and cows. Who in their right mind would put money into vaccinations or care for a dog or a cat?! Most of our neighbors think we're a little nutty to feed our animals the same that they eat everyday, and that we pet them and play with them.

Another problem with keeping pets out there is that they sometimes get killed by snakebite, or people looking for free meat for their evening meal. We've had cats wander off, never to return, and our friends say that certain people groups have no problem with setting traps and eating them. I don't think they noticed the cat collars...

So, we have to keep our pets with a bit of an "open hand" mentality; don't get too attached to them, but enjoy them while you have them. So, we enjoyed the Humane Society's offerings for a few minutes, realizing that we couldn't take on a pet at this time.

And then on the way home, I saw a mostly blind neighbor lady out for a walk with her assistive dog, and it made me think about some recent conversations I've had with other deaf people about the benefits of having a disability dog. Of course, I'd love to use my deafness as an excuse to get a pet, but then we'd have to move out of Grandma's house.

But I pondered the problem of what a blind person does when out for a walk with their dog and the dog, umm, moves its bowels. Up and down the street are signs saying, "Leave only footprints", implying that pet owners must clean up their dog's leavings. But how would a blind person be able to do that with any amount of self-dignity? Perhaps you'd know the rhythm of your dog and sense that it had paused to do it's thing, but would you be bending over, feeling around for the warm, smelly pile? This must be terribly embarrassing, and it gives me a new compassion for the challenges of disabled people, especially now that I am one.

I have enjoyed beautiful bike rides this Summer, now that I've gotten the courage to go out and not fear traffic so much. You have to learn how to use the crossing signals and be very alert. But my deaf challenges and embarrassments have to do with trying to enter conversations with people. I want to follow what they're saying, but get bored with just standing there smiling while hubby does all the talking. I miss the jokes; I miss the details. Once in awhile I think I've followed it and have some witty story to tell, and afterwards realize that they are being polite at trying to figure out what that has to do with it... and then the pity smile.

I know that even when I was a hearing person, sometimes I couldn't think of a thing to say, or that no witty comebacks were forthcoming in certain situations, and I'd be embarrassed at my lack of social synchronization, but generally I felt I could be me. Being deaf certainly takes that away, and is one of my challenges that I'm hoping to overcome with my cochlear implant. I just need to remember that hearing or deaf, or whatever a person's personal challenges might be, we all have them, and we need to have respect for each other and have compassion in those embarrassing times.

Chat rooms and listening

I'm new to chat rooms and forums, but I have the sense that with so many groups and interests available out there, when you're in a chat room, there's a specific reason why "you", collectively, have assembled. There's a topic to discuss, or an interest in common. Perhaps there are people with lots of time on their hands and nowhere else to go, so they wander aimlessly in and out of chat rooms looking for conversation about whatever. But I don't think that's most people.

You're there to meet other people who share a part of who you are. No two people are exactly the same, but there are many ways that your interests can cross with my interests in a common connection at a certain moment in time in a certain place. So we chat and see what we can learn, or share, or be entertained by, for that passage of time together. Or maybe, we just get to know each other better because we learned that we have something in common and can have fun with it.

Last night, I was in a chat room where one person got offended by others' religious comments. He felt that he wasn't being listened to about his concerns, and that perhaps some were "preaching" and not dealing with the common issue at hand. He couldn't understand the worldview that several people had in common that God is in control of their lives, and allows bad things to happen sometimes, to refine their character or help them to become useful to others with a similar problem because they've "been there".

He couldn't even entertain the idea that God could allow difficult circumstances. So he "stormed out" of the room, and those left behind felt really bad that he'd quit listening as well. They had made efforts to apologize and clear the air, but he'd already closed his mind and heart to everyone there. He was in that chat room for one common interest, but felt left out when several others discovered they had another common interest that he didn't share or want to entertain. At least that was how I saw it. I'm sure his story is much more complicated than that, but it helped me to see a few things about chatting.

When there are too many active participants, the chatter goes fast and it's hard to keep up with reading what's whipping by and still add relevant comments. Emotions flare and then things get said and responded to at different paces, so misunderstandings happen because one person types faster or someone else's post arrives quicker. And then it's hard to retract the misunderstanding because you're not face to face to resolve it with body language or a smile.

Also, people should try to more or less stick to the issue at hand. Personal experiences can and should be shared if they're relevant, but more personal sharing is better done one-to-one in an email context or IM mode. If the topic is of a technical nature, and someone is sharing a deep emotional issue, everyone gets derailed with either wanting to help the hurting person, or feeling that someone is commandeering the discussion away from the topic they have come to discuss.

There is certainly a variety of people that arrive in a chat room, and to have a meaningful discussion you need various people's input. But that can become an issue as well, because you want to keep people in, so you have to be touching them all in some way, or they get bored and leave, and the discussion is over. But when the variety is either too wide a demographic, or too wide of discussion topics, someone will realize that it is not worth their time.

So, I'll continue to watch and learn how chat rooms work. And if I see that guy again, I'll try to build a bridge of understanding with him and hope he'll come back next time, and be ready to give and take as the discussion unfolds. Because we're all the better when we take time to really listen. Am I listening to myself??

It's a new blogsite; welcome to my scene!

This is my place to record what I'm thinking about. And if you care to read it, you're welcome here. I'm new at blogging, and still getting up to speed on the world of computer literacy, since I've lived many of the last 15 years in a third-world country. But I enjoy musing about life, philosophy, cultures, God, family, deafness, and whatever I'm working through at the time.

Do you ever have wild, random thoughts that could be moments of greatness or moments of complete embarrassment? I do, and thankfully I've learned how to laugh at myself (most of the time) and I'm married to someone who doesn't mind entertaining my wild ideas; he gets them once in awhile himself! So if I'm brave enough to post them here, you may see them. I think blogging takes great courage to expose yourself to whoever; they may laugh or be critical and there you are, just hanging out there for the world to see.

I suppose my biggest fault (well, one of them anyway) is being too concerned about what people think of me. I've always been that way, though it's not a debilitating problem, just something I think about before I speak or act. Which is sometimes good, because it saves other people's feelings, but it's sometimes bad because I don't express ME. So, this blog is an effort to discover and express myself in an honest way. I hope you like it...: )